I looked her up and this was the first article on her. <a class="postlink" href="http://sports.yahoo.com/news/ronda-rousey-defends-title-reputation-another-dominant-first-041500582--mma.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://sports.yahoo.com/news/ronda-rous ... --mma.html</a> My eyes are retarded. When I glanced at the picture I thought, "why is she wearing some kind of skanky thong shit to fight in?" It took me literally about 20 seconds for my eyes to decipher what the hell was going on in the picture.
3 cats down, 9,997 to go. My husband always talks to the dog when I'm preparing to go trap cats. "All she cares about is chasing pussy Buddy. There she goes, leaving us again to chase some pussy."
Children are evil. Why won't they sleep? On a positive note, football is almost here. And I start my sophomore year in a week!
You've noticed that too. This morning, my daughter woke me up by wearing her soccer kleat like a glove and then "tapping" me in the side of the face. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she replied "Dunno" with a straight face, then demanded breakfast. And I only have one. You have THREE white kids to deal with. It's like being in a bar fight and you're not allowed to hit anybody. And to drive the point home with a maul hammer:
They can read your thoughts, daddy. They know. *whisper* Theeeey... knooooowwww. One night, when you've foolishly went to sleep, you'll feel something tugging at you... from within the darkness. Maybe a quick bite on your toes at first. A nip. Then something clamping down on your legs, something like talons... or teeth. Fangs. Then you'll scream. Oh, yes, you will know what it is to scream.
That's nothing a handful of explosives won't take care of... It will be an awesome show for you, and it'll let them know that you are willing to blow up any crazy shit they put out by the curb.
Amen to that. On the boys 18th birthday, they are getting an ass whooping. When they look up at me from the ground and ask why I'll just say respond with "I owed you." Obviously I can't go around beating on the girl so come high school I will only give her second hand clothes from the most ghetto Goodwill I can find. From what I understand of teenage girls, that is a worse punishment than a beating anyway. They're going to pay. Oh God, how they're going to pay.
God bestowed me with a daughter to punish me for my own slutty ways in years past. When you have a son, you worry about one dick. When you have a daughter, you get to worry about EVERY dick. It's fun for a dad. Especially when I'm "interviewing" her first date whilst rubbing a butterfly knife against my groin. They constantly erase a parent's means of control over their child from society. "Don't use the buckle end!" "Don't spank!!!" Don't yell at them, they'll grow up to be serial killers!" "Don't even SPEAK to that child with negativity, you clumsy oaf!" You can't do fucking ANYTHING to punish your kid anymore. HOWEVER................. we still have one weapon you can never take away. The power to embarrass them. And nothing.....NOTHING is more humilating on the planet to a kid than a parent. Skyler doesn't want to do her chores? Threaten to walk her to school tomorrow and back wearing nothing but bib overalls and a fright wig on. See what happens next.
I know I could bought a decent, certified pre owned, BWM with the money I spent on my DUI trial. Or just have had enough money to pay for taxi rides 10 times over for all the times I drank and drove since I started drinking.
You've already embarassed her enough by naming her Skyler. My dad used to refer to me as his pet, even infront of my friends. His reasoning was "I feed you shelter you plus i pretty much own you". Sometimes I consider telling him I'm gay just to spite him.
Played a scramble with a couple of my friends yesterday, including one who is damn near scratch these days, we shot 15 under, even after starting with 3 pars. Having a guy that bombs 300 yd drives consistently up the middle really loosens you up to be aggressive and not overthink. Unless I've been playing pretty consistently all summer, which I haven't, scrambles are such a fun way to play. You can work on your game and still score. After dinner, we each grabbed a 7 iron and a putter and went back out on the course with beers and played 3 holes as it was nearing darkness. Reminded me of what we used to do in HS. Those 3 holes were probably more fun than the round itself.
Much more effective than weilding a knife is the penetrating stare with the crazed Christopher Walken smile. A knife and he knows what to expect. But crazy puts his imagination to work for you.
Why in all of the commercials/PSA's for adopting kids from Africa do none of them ever have long hair?