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Wait, What? 8/3/2012-8/5/2012 Weekend Drunk Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nom Chompsky, Aug 3, 2012.

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  1. Parker

    Parker
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    No no no, I'm not talking about inane shit, I'm talking about interesting random shit. Shit where you shouldn't ever think, but do think "I bet someone on the board has a funny story related to the one legged homeless man, wearing a chicken suit, selling fish sandwiches out of a cooler, while playing the harmonica and doing it all in Swahili I saw on my way to work. I bet CJ has a story about the time he saw a similar guy fucking Hilary Clinton look-a-like." That shit doesn't fall under a rant or rave. It also isn't enough to warrant a topic.

    I'm NOT talking about "I ate a sandwich today, and it was delicious." That's the shit that goes on FB and Twitter.
     
  2. hooker

    hooker
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    Parker's dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even his dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
     
  3. Backroom

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    I once fucked a college cheerleader who couldn't name the president. Am I doing it right?
     
  4. Kubla Kahn

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    Did I just shit myself?

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    No. If you remembered the president you weren't drunk enough, you did it wrong.
     
  5. mav_ian

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    Naming presidents during sex? Is this like a US thing I don't get, like dreaming about Abe Lincoln?
     
  6. LessTalk MoreStab

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    The WDT is shit for 3 reasons:

    1: I'm in a different time zone to most of you.

    2: The last thing I want to do while drinking is be on a computer.

    3: It's from what I can gather a 5 way circle jerk with Nom playing the bucket.
     
  7. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Were you railing her and smacking her ass asking "Who's your president?" rather then "Who's your daddy?"? Cuz that would be pretty damn funny.

    I wonder if Bill Clinton ever did that. (Probably.) I know I would've.
     
  8. dixiebandit69

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    I'm with Volo. There are shitloads of great suggestions, but they don't get picked up.
    OR, regular board members make great suggestions, and moderators steal the ideas/ don't check the suggestions before posting a thread topic as their own original idea. That happens a lot on topics regarding current events.
    I'm not even going to bring up favoritism... Oh wait, I just did. It seems to me that some board members' suggestions get picked a lot more than others.
     
  9. Parker

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    Ladies and Gentleman of the board: this evening has been a very, very dark and disappointing evening. After two back to back epic earth/vagina shattering performances I lasted only about 7 minutes tonight. I share this with you only because my brags have been so audacious, loquacious so extravagant and unapologetic, it is only fair I share my failures with you people. I don't know if it was the fact she had her hair curlier than usual, I don't know if it was the yoga pants she came over in, but I feel like I have failed her, myself and yes...even all of you. She even made a few clever japes at my expense.

    In repentance, I will no longer brag about any of my sexual prowess, as I do not deserve to anymore. I renounce my lands, rights, and title to whoever wants to take it. I need to take this time and work on myself, and my abilities. Once again, I apologize to you all.

    Goodluck and goodnight to you all.

    Best Regards,
    Parker
     
  10. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    If I knew how to drive, this would be good car music...

     
    #1230 Nom Chompsky, Aug 28, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  11. zyron

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    You don't know how to drive?
     
  12. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    Not a car, no.
     
  13. Popped Cherries

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    I can't wait to hear Ballsack's commentary on minorities and their inability to drive vehicles.
     
  14. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Well at least he can't blame Nom if his BMW gets stolen.

    Officer taking the report: "Did you see your car get stolen?"

    'sack: "No. But I know it was Negroes. Two of them. They work in teams because they like basketball."

    Officer: "Uh...ok...so basketball playing Negroes stole your car?"

    'sack: "Of course. Don't you know shit? They're probably dripping watermelon juice all over my leather interior right now. Why are you still here? Go arrest those thieving, won't pass the ball to me Negroes!"

    Officer: "Calm down, don't make me TASER you sir."

    'sack: "I'm a lawyer."

    Officer: "...and?"

    'sack: "Just arrest the first Negro you see. They all know each other. Do I have spell it out for you? God, you're fucking stupid. You fucking public servant...Jesus...my father played basketball in Europe...and then I stuck a hair brush in my buddy's ass...I don't fuck plants...Gris is a hack...fuck Lance Armstrong...I ate co..."

    Officer: "Sir are you on drugs?"

    'sack: "I'm a lawyer."

    Officer: "Sir is that a pile of cocaine on the table behind you?"

    'sack: "See? I told you it was Negroes! They stole my car and left a pile of cocaine on my kitchen table. That's what they do."
     
  15. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. lust4life

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    You left out the part where the Negroes were working for a Jew.
     
  17. lust4life

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    I agree with Volo and Bandit. It's rare that a thread makes it past 2-3 pages these days. Anything with the slightest hint of controversy turns into a shitfest and gets locked to preempt an all out flame war. It's good that people disagree and express opposing views--an exchange of ideas. But it's unfortunate that we can't keep the discourse civil with an undertone of levity rather than vicious and bellicose.
     
  18. silway

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    Do you have a license? I ask because even if you don't drive, getting a license is a good idea so that the day you decide you do want to drive, your insurance premiums will be really low. You will, technically, have a long history of no accidents.
     
  19. Parker

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    Not going to lie, every time I see a black dude with a fat white chick, I die a little inside. Its not even fucking cool. I have a friend that married a fat white chick, because well, he loves massive tits, and fat chicks more often than not have them. Its is probably the most insulting stereotype. Yes, I love basketball (so do white people), yes, I love fried chicken(who doesn't), I do eat watermelon when readily available (who doesn't besides racists and overly sensitive black people), but I will never, ever touch an obese white girl.

    Also the biggest problem is the new topics and threads is that unless its a "Tell us about x time" is that we know how 75% of the board is going to answer. Nom is going to come out with the blackness/male feminist "let's all be accepting" stuff, Scootah is going to drop some shit on us to make us go "Wow, that's some interesting sexual shit I never want to think about." 'Sack is going to say something very nice and kind about the peoples of the world. Dixie is going to say something hating the cops, his son, and something really redneck. Parker is going to post some braggart cocky, borderline ridiculous shit that no one believes and we all want him to shut the fuck up about.

    What we need to focus on is getting some of the lurkers to post, and get some new ideas bouncing around in here. Recently a few peope have been posting more and more and if you look at the threads that have been lasting, its because of them. If someone has under 50 posts, no one should be rushing to reddot them because even though its magical/meaningless internet validation, we could be scaring away people who could make this community better. How we do that exactly and get everyone on board to get some of these people posting? I have no fucking clue, but if we did, and they're not completely retarded, it'd probably make the topic threads more interesting.
     
  20. happyfunball

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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    I'm watching The Price is Right and this old guy won the bid and he tripped as he was running up and his tooth fell out. It's hysterical.

    To comment a bit on Parker's post, I joined when the board first started but then wasn't around for a couple of years. When I came back, I just lurked, reviewed old threads and there were some things that I would have posted in them, but obviously can't now and I don't want to suggest duplicate threads. Because I have a weiner and tampon story* I'm waiting to tell but may cross into what is considered similar threads of years past. I'm trying to figure a way to tell the story in the Suggestion thread without using a duplicate focus.

    On another note, I think after vacation we will be getting a dog, so I have been perusing the pet thread and another dog advice thread on here. So thanks everybody for that!

    *not the same story
     
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