Hey man, I believe it. I'm just an abnormally tall and skinny white guy and I honest to goodness have been told that, while having not gone all the way in, I went deeper than anyone else. I've also heard the following: "that was fucking unbelievable", "I've never screamed like that in my life", "are all 23 year olds this good at sex?", "this hurts more than my first time", "what kind of twisted mind are you?" And "no, that's too weird". I kind of want to meet her ex-husband out of morbid curiosity (nb by ex-husband, I mean, not quite yet ex husband...). He must be the most incompetent person sex-wise in the whole world. From what I gather, he must be short, fat, exceptionally poorly hung, exercise poor personal hygiene, and last about as long as a 13 year old who just discovered his first copy of playboy. She insists she was "fine" for the years she was with him. I don't see how.
God damn it! So you're the one that's been fucking my wife? Ah well, I was tired of her anyway. I've never been married, just a joke, nothing to see here.
Alternate jokes include: So you were the guy who followed Parker? Hey, I didn't know that RealDolls could talk! You wouldn't believe how much extra she charged me to say those things, though. Ate right through my cocaine budget.
I'm just going to say that I love New Hampshire. Their tax free discount liquor store provided me with two bottles of Eagle Rare for $40 and the sweet Co-op grocery store right next to it had the best beer selection of any grocery store I've ever been in. There were only two small shelves devoted to domestic macro brews and the rest of their refrigerated section was all micros, with a whole row of shelves on the other side of the aisle filled with more micros and special edition bottles. Compared to the grocery stores here in CT--where Blue Moon is considered their highest quality microbrew--it was a great sight to see. The only problem I have (and this can be said for nearly any establishment in New England that sells beer) is that they're already pimping the pumpkin beers like crazy. The whole end of the aisle at the NH Co-op was Pumpkinhead and one of the best liquor stores in my area has already devoted a whole fridge to different pumpkin beers at the expense of moving out some of the summer beers that I liked to the warm aisle. Now, I like a pumpkin beer just fine, but I'm still in IPA and wheat beer mode, and they're getting pushed out to make way for this stuff too soon.
Sam Adams Summer brew has been replaced by Oktoberfest already. I was actually looking forward to a 12 pack of that stuff earlier this week but I suppose it's time to get in autumn mode. Still seems early.
My favorite summer beers are German wheats and Czech pilsners. Incidentally they are also good spring, fall, and winter beers; and they also come in handy for long jaunts on the can. If pumpkin beers are out I need to go down to the beer store. This is my favorite beer season. Weyebacher's Imperial Pumpkin. Remember this label. Everything good and just in the world is in that bottle: The best f'n Oktoberfest is Paulaner's. It's about $15 a 12 pack, but by far the best. Hell, anything they do is awesome. Throw in some Spaten Oktoberfest, Dog Fish Head Punkin, and assorted Oktoberfests and pumpkins, I've got myself a Saturday. Fuck having friends over.
Was it in bottle or on tap? Ive found Leine's bottles are consistent while their kegs have some variability. Its never gonna be dry, but some drafts are sweeter than others for the Summer Shandy.
Oktoberfest is my favorite style of beer. Had my first Spaten of the season this past weekend - despite it not being the season - at a lovely bar that serves it in giant liter mugs. This is the one time of year I am thrilled that I have to buy beer by the case, because it doesn't matter how much of the shit I have at home, it won't last long. I don't love the Sam Adams Oktoberfest, though. Need to stick to the Germans. Yeah what the fuck, TiB? Where's the Hairy Beavers and Outlaw Country thread? I'd vote for the bandit to be a mod, except that placing him in a position of authority and control might give him self-loathing problems. Not that I ever post that much, but it's damn hard to jump in when the only thing going is this 90-page long thread. You guys aren't that interesting.
Well that explains why you appear to have a beer bottle logged up a passage you normally save for hair brushes. Holy overreaction Batman.
I feel bad for you that there are no decent bars where you live. I live at the bottom of the civilized world and my favourite bar has about 25 premium, micro and quality imported beers on tap. They even have a hoppinator, a sexual device which imparts fresh hops to the beer via the brew being forced through a glass cylinder full of hop flowers. Not to mention the tap beer I have at home being the best you will ever have. You need to get out more sack (to civilized places where beer is more important than god)
Civilization begins with distillation. Spoiler William Faulkner. Someone should buy me this poster. NSFW
I'm amused that you think that "keg beer" is a meaningful category. Yeah, Bud Light at a dive w/ questionable tap lines and a Delirium Tremens at a decent bar are totally the same thing. Oh, wait, this is just one of those things where you pretend you're fancy folk, ain't it?
Good beer, if you can find it: Kirin Ichiban. It's a Japanese beer and pretty easy to get over here. My husband loooooves this stuff. It's pretty good in the bottles I bought, though the kegged version is far superior. I usually prefer dark beers but this stuff is pretty tasty.
The big thing over in my area are sake bombs. Kirin is the beer they use to drop the sake in. It's not bad stuff at all. Sapporo is a nice alternative if you like the darker beers.
My favourite tap beer at the moment is a Scottish brew called "5am Saint", costs about $15 a pint when I can get it. What you are saying regarding tap beer is the equivalent of "German cars suck because my 68 beetle was a shit box". And if you said it to me in person you would be told to shut up while the adults are talking and handed a bottle of Heineken mega swill to help silence the stupid. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.brewdog.com/product/5am-saint" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.brewdog.com/product/5am-saint</a>
Okay, kiddies: This 4-Loko shit youse guyz were yammering on about over a year ago has sleazed its way into my country. It's getting advertising time right now that's usually reserved for a company like McDonald's, and the only people I have known to drink it is you chowderheads. I don't trust most people's opinions around here about drinking, since it seems most people in my town wouldn't know booze if it teabagged them while they were in an Adderall rage. So... good or bad? I heard it tastes like baboon ass but my birthday is coming up in a month and I wanna try something special and new to see what it does to my brain, liver and morals. Keep in mind I'll probably also be doing 'shrooms.
Ok, so this is another way I don't wanna die. Four-Loko was the worst thing I have ever forced myself to drink. You must try it.
It's absolutely terrible. It tastes like shitty liquid Fun Dip. That being said, it goes down shockingly fast and doesn't fuck around at 12% (especially if the Canadian one still has caffeine). Even without shrooms, there's a chance you'll be on your ass with your pants around your ankles. It's bad decisions in a can.