Well no one said told me that it was the first time they ever enjoyed a best man speech so much and they wont be able to think straight for three days because of how awesome I am.
Went off-road drinking and driving in the mountains last year. I, being the responsible driver, stuck with beer, but my friend Mike drank 8 of those huge 4 Loko cans. Mike was indignant that they had removed the caffeine, so he spiked every can with a bit of 4 hour energy. We stopped at a lake around midnight; it was November and 30 degrees and he fell in the lake. Only his pants were wet, so we decide it is time to head back because Mike can no longer stand or speak. As we were driving home with Mike sedated and drooling on himself we theorize that the 4 Hour Energy kept him energized and relatively sober until the 4 Loko caught up to him. In ten minutes Mike is vomiting and holding onto a tree because “the god damn earth is moving too fast”. Everyone is pretty drunk at this point so I decide that we will sleep in the middle of the freezing woods until Mike stops dry heaving. This is a terrible idea, so we all lay down in the woods and sleep. Two hours later my other friend wakes up and thankfully no one has died from exposure. We go to the truck to find Mike has crawled into the back and vomited everywhere.
Where do you go to find people that you like and can completely identify with? So far, it seems like America just isn't doing it for you, what with the intollerable minorities and entire states filled with people that match sweeping generalizations.
This is the contradiction of America. Evidently it is the bestest greatest country that god ever gave the earth and the constitution was written in jesus' blood and if thath's borders were opened tomorrow 95 percent of the population would move to the united states... But! The East coast is full of itself, the West coast is douchy, the mid-west is boring and uncultured, the South is racist, Texas is full of fat people, and Florida is god damned Florida. Yep, Americans. Is your country a shithole or a shining beacon of light? Make up your minds already.
I think he'd do well in New Hampshire, fairly politically balanced, it's nice but there's not a lot of hippies, low taxes and most importantly just about everyone is white.
Nothing makes me miss Canada as much when I'm travelling in the States as watching American news. You fuckers have some serious issues and I feel sorry for you. Beat up on Canada if you like, it only allows the sore to fester.
Nope, you're not Canada. You're China. Not by name, just simply owned by them. Pile on, kids. Pile on.