It would be Monday. I need to make more club manager friends to support my alcohol consumption. Mya you really should come visit us all over here.
Unfortunately I'm working this morning and I walked in this morning to hear the following exchange: #1: "Motherfucker it's raining like a motherfucker out there." #2: "Motherfuckin' right it is" #3: "Motherfucker" You know that scene in Scarface when Michele Pfeiffer just gets fed up with Tony when he's in the tub and says "Can't you just stop saying "Fuck" all the time?" I feel like that.
Somehow I managed to upset a couple friends at a party last night. I do not remember doing anything untoward, but I arrived home to some really unhappy texts. Now I'm a sad panda this morning. Motherfucker. Nothing I hate more than this shit, particularly the fact that I have no idea what I said that offended them.
Sunday....Monday.....hey I'll be on vacation, any days a drinking day! On another note, I signed up for 16 sessions with a trainer. I just completed workout #2 and I can't decide if I should throw up first, then die, or just get straight to the dying.
Repeat after me: I can neither confirm nor deny any allegations at this time. I would like my lawyer present for any further questioning.
I'm more articulate in my offensiveness than Fucking Motherfucks, at least after 10 AM. Apparently I said something insulting about a girl I kinda-sorta dated, in front of her, while I was talking to a different girl. Oh, and we still sleep together occasionally. Yikes. She's the most pissed. I knew the whole, oh-hey-let's-stop-dating-but-keep-hooking-up-and-hanging-out thing wouldn't end all that well (because really, has it ever?), but I would at least like to know what I said that ended it, because I really think this is a misunderstanding.
I have a Millwright at work like that. Every second word he says is "fuck" or "cunt". Even in jail people don't swear as much as this guy, I do whatever it takes not to get involved in conversation with him because when he talks I feel like somebody is pouring a toxic stew directly over my brain. It feels like my ears are being poisoned I can't STAND it when people swear just constantly like that, and it is so commonplace in blue collar places (did I mention he has three kids). Sure, swear words are great. The word "fuck" is as satisfying to say as it is to do, but there is a limit.
Pro tip: (Keep in mind that my 'government shutdown' makes the current one look like a sneeze) If a girl is gracious enough to allow you to put your pee wee in her hoo hah, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't insult her. Biting the hand that feeds, and all that. Thus ends today's public service announcement.
That's the beauty of blackouts. You can just lie to account for all your actions, like very murderer ever. You know when they lie and say "Dunno what happened , I saw red and woke up with body parts around me, so its not my fault." Well, you can just say "Dunno, I saw black and since I'm a male I am not responsible for anything that happened after that.".... that's allowed. It's in the bible. Ah, blackouts. The brain takes a nap, and the body becomes an action hero. Science.
If you guys are getting down on the board and starting to think that we truly are the most depraved sorts on the internet, take heart! There are people who write - and even more who consume - dinosaur erotica. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-books-from-dinosaur-eroticas-most-prolific-author/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-books-fro ... ic-author/</a>
That's a lesson the current version of me actually thought he learned years ago. Could have really used it around age 20, and apparently last night around 1 AM. I did just get to make a long-winded apology. I don't think I undid the damage, because you can't un-say things, but at least I got the shit off my chest.