Thanks dude. 2 minutes of incredibly sad preamble hearing about two little children who die in a fire, just to get a "punchline" of a useless aunt who wants to see if her foodstamps burned up in her purse? Christ, now I'm all depressed. Here, here's more depressing shit. Bacon fucks up your sperm quality.
That Aunt should be run through a plastic shredder. And in other news: Bacon = Nice Children = Fucking horrible Its like saying drinking beer will scare away land beasts, sign me up.
Sadly, drinking beer is more likely to bring you more closely acquainted with land beasts. And yet, we persist in drinking it.
My brother is having two daughters. He doesn't drink beer, he doesn't drink coffee. These things will change. Btw, if its found out bacon can be used as a mild contraceptive, that will truly be a gift from God.
Now, granted, this is an N=1 experiment, but the two year old currently sleeping upstairs in my house and the average amount of bacon I eat in a week tells me that this whole idea is patently false.
Vegan conspiracy is more like it. Those pasty, unathletic bastards won't rest until every human has red eyes and zero skin pigment. Of course it will help us more i.e. stealth in snowy climates.
And since I'm only having one kid, this isn't exactly a deterrent for me and I highly doubt that I'm alone.
Is it bad if I had a beer before dinner and then just kept drinking and forgot to eat until now? Being Monday probably doesn't help my cause...
Well if I am raising the vegan postman's kid, she's the poster child for nature vs nurture since he 3 favorite words are chicken, steak and bacon.
I know the movie business has completely turned into regurgitating sequels and remakes but jesus Im not sure Burton is up to honoring the original with a sequel at this stage in his career. If he shoe horns Johnny Depp in he's dead to me.
Well, my daughter turns five and my marriage turns seven today. I have about seven, maybe eight years to mould myself into a machine that will terrify all boys. Not Michael Jackson, but the kind that interviews a date rubbing a butterfly knife sgainst his groin. Maybe a fly crawls across my face and I ignore it.
It'd be tricky to be the father of a dating aged girl. Say they can't date anyone, well that doesn't work, they may rebel and become massively controversial. Pretend you don't care and they may end up with some moron and married by 18. Seems like a tricky balance. My older brother has ~12 years to figure that out, although I imagine his wife will be the one that decides whats cool and what isn't.
Are we just going to ignore this? For shame, TiB. I know we should feed the trolls o but Ballsack isn't a troll. He believess that throwing that language around is perfectly acceptable. Ballsack, I know you like to think of yourself as a truth telling shock jock of some sort, but you are merely a terrible person. I would say you need to be punched in the balls, but fortunately there seems to be little threat of your reproducing. Therefore, I only wish that one day coming down off a coke bender you are greeted with the epiphany that your entire life has been totally worthless and the hole in your soul from god knows what is still a gaping maw that wasn't ever close to being repaired. I'm really not even doing this justice. Everytime I think about you i just feel really sad for you. Find some humanity or fuck off.