You guys can suck my d. I went to the range for almost 6 hours today and got to shoot a very wide range of guns. Now I am about to stuff my face with stew and sourdough bread. Today is awesome.
Subordinate hosted a party tonight. Another subordinate told me a story about how she was looking at porn and there was a virus that popped up and told her she was guilty of looking at child porn and would be charged with x, y, and z under the criminal code unless she paid money. She then called the police to try and sort it out. Wow. On Monday I will have her submit an essay about the definition of "gullible".
Well my Quail Man costume netted me best male costume at the Halloween party I went to. The fact that there were only a little over dozen people at that party in no way diminishes the honor. Now I'm just trying to sort out which scary movie to wrap up the night with. I saw that someone uploaded Mario Bava's Kill Baby Kill on Youtube, but I also saw Dario Argento's Inferno on Hulu. And I definitely enjoy hearing Keith Emerson in a film's soundtrack whenever.
I had to jog around the block to try to sober up. It didn't work. Me and my friend have been yelling "FLASH, AAAAAHHHH-HAAAAAAWWWW, HE SAVES EVERYONE ONE OF US!" all fucking night. Laughing at that makes me want to puke in my drawers. Yeah, death mix was a bad idea. I'm still awake, like a zombie. I am so drunk and inconsolable. I want to punch out a shit ton of people, at the same time I want to go to bed for a day. Neither will happen, so I will just run around the block again until I get a boner and can jerk off for an hour to some poor girl getting her colon prolapsed. When I can't jizz I will punch a whole in the drywall. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Have you tried shouting, "HAWKMEN!!!!! DIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!" Nothing quite wakes one up like impersonating BRIAN BLESSED.
Guess what, fuck stools. You can't be hungover if you wake up still drunk. BOOM ROASTED. I don't think I know what this means. Why are my ears ringing? Edit:
Is The Fuck Stools a new band? Is this what "The Gays" call taking a shit after fucking? Has anyone else cum so hard they've pooped a little bit? It's early.
How does my place go from clean to messy in the blink of an eye? I'm hardly here. I don't feel like doing anything today. It's overcast, I should be hungover, and all I want to do is eat Chipotle and watch shitty movies on Netflix.
I drank so much last night that I should be. Amazingly, I woke up rested and refreshed. 21 year old me made a guest appearance.
I just had a sudden flashback to getting felt up by a girl named Heaven at the party I was at last night. Totally forgot about that.
I hate being awake before anybody else in a strange house. And it's cool/cold outside so my dog won't even go farther than the steps to go take a piss. He tried to piss on the grill cover and I told him off so he ran up to me and wouldn't try to piss anywhere else. Yay. I am nervous about later today. There is a family get together and my mother in law will be there. I am excited to see everyone else though. Fingers are crossed that no scenes are created.
The Fox is a parody done by a Norwegian comedy duo. My dad has likened them to Weird Al. They parody musical genres for their variety show, and for some reason, The Fox is what went viral. Personally, my favorite is Pressure, a rap song containing the lyrics "Just because your son ain't got no legs, it doesn't mean he can't compete in the Olympic Games. With the right amount of pressure on, hell yeah, he be running like a normal son". I listen to Ylvis in the car and regret nothing. In other news, I got hit on by a homeless guy last night. The best line I heard was, "You're the prettiest girl I've seen in two years. I just got out of prison last week." D'awwwww.