WDT 7/26/13

That is the clear definition of clever and tasteful, well done sir. Apparently I don't spread the rep around enough to give any to Audrey, I also like her butt.

 

So you wanna go out some time or what?

 

It's oddly charming and adorable, especially if you imagine his avatar saying it.

 

In other news, I helped my cousin pick up a really hot girl on Tinder. I told him exactly what to say and it worked. It makes me sad because I'd never succeed at tinder despite being awesome.

 

I was at work for thirteen hours today.

I leave for the beach in about two weeks to sit with Mrs. Noland and play with the kids on the beach for a week. I hope the world burns while I'm there.

 

I'm watching Naked and Afraid and keep waiting for it to become hardcore porn. Basically, two people are dumped in the bush, naked, and have to survive for 21 days.

I don't understand the remote locales, though. I had the same thing happen to me several times in Florida.

 

The math department at my alma mater hired me to teach undergraduate statistics this fall, so... PG: Professor Galore, it is. I'm not sure who thought this is a good idea.

 

I'm out of Corn Pops and hankering for some sugar cereal.


Lets try some kettle corn...

 

Must be something in the water. Four couples I know got engaged this weekend and three girls either had babies or are in labour (FUCK YOU FACEBOOK, I SHOULDN'T KNOW THIS LEVEL OF DETAIL). My big news? Some girl with my identical name was a special effects person on Pacific Rim, so while the boyfriend and I were scanning the credits for his name, we found mine. Ridiculous.

 

I'd totally bone Elizabeth Warren.

 

Whoa. Everybody disappeared.

So, now, there have been two rare sightings in the past week: AudreyMonroe's booty and Big Foot.

 

Well, I'm being a stay at home boyfriend today while the girlfriend goes off to work. I have two cats sitting by my feet and I have consumed a delicious Montreal bagel for breakfast. Now to find a recipe to cook for dinner.

I really should have looked more into those MRS degrees you hear so much about in college.

 

Apparently, being stuck in handcuffs (and calling the fire department for assistance) is on the rise in the UK. My favourite part of this article is that the fire department has had, since 2010, nine calls from people with rings stuck on their penises and one call from someone with their penis STUCK IN A TOASTER.

 

Well, just how the fuck do you make breakfast, then?

 

So, you're supposed to pull out of the bagel before you insert it? Good to know - potentially useful info, there.

 

I have tomorrow off work, so time to get twatted. I also purchased a bag of Guinness flavoured crisps (chips, to you American types). They had better be good, or you best fucking believe that I will seriously mumble to myself.

 

It doesn't shock me. I've ran a call for a dude who was almost choked to death (consensually) during sex, a college freshmen who got stuck on a bedpost trying to get her rocks off, and a lady who put a pocket rocket up her snatch and couldn't get it out.

 

Was it still running when you got there?

 

I will never, ever forget the dude who taught my statistics class. and it's been 20 years. He would lean against the blackboard, and when he turned around to write on it there would be a chalk strip on his butt from the chalk tray. He also had a folding knife in his pocket that he would fiddle with while lecturing. Sooner or later he'd cut his finger and then proceed to suck on it to stem the bleeding, followed by putting on a bandaid. All while continuing to lecture. This happened numerous times during the semester.