Again, you can all sit there and enjoy fulfilling your biological imperative of driving a UPS truck through an inner tube. Hell, do a home birth!
Anything coming out of my vagina that big is getting numbed out with the latest and greatest epidurals. Also, who's to say we won't adopt? Having a kid isn't just about shooting an infant out of your lady parts.
I know that theoretically my vag could stretch to accommodate a baby's head and shit, but the thought of someone with even just a small fist going to town on it? Makes me shudder with phantom pussy pain.
You know they clip that shit preemptively right? Like, tears happen so often that they're just like fuckit, let's just snip this shit wide open because a clean cut heals quicker than a jagged, stretched length of flesh. My sister said she sat on frozen peas for WEEKS.
I woke up in a cold sweat the other day at the thought of having a 2nd daughter. It isn't necessarily that I hate having a daughter. My daughter is awesome and incredibly adorable. She is also just starting her "no" phase, which anyone with a daughter will tell you, will last from now until she turns (at least) 25. A quick example: Two days ago, she grabbed her shoes and gave them to me to put them on her. Then she walked to the gate to open it so we could leave. Then she went to her stroller. Clearly, she wanted to go for a walk, so we did and she was happy. Yesterday, she grabbed her shoes and gave them to me to put them on her. Then she walked to the gate to open it so we could leave. When I opened it, she looked at me and said 'NO!' and immediately took her shoes off and went to play with something else. Like "now that you've jumped through my hoops, old man, I'm done with you!" My nephews have never done anything like that, but apparently my nieces do stuff like that regularly. The idea of dealing with that with two daughters? Holy shit. I want a son for kid number 2, and I am done. Plus any talk of fisting makes me sad to even have one daughter that I may have to explain that to one day.
It's funny the things we worry about. I remember being really freaked out by episiotomies. I was honestly more freaked out by that than most other aspects of the birth. Turns out I ended up needing a c-section because my cervix didn't feel like opening up. In hindsight I would have been fine with an episiotomy if it meant a regular birth instead of the surgery it ended up being. Although I guess my recovery was more quick.
You believe what you need to, but in my experience girls between 17 and 23 tend to be in more of a Yes phase.
Yeah it is weird because the episiotomy is also the scariest thing to me. Oh, anyone who is curious: <a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy</a> Buuuuut, you're right. C-sections blow too. I worked at a children and women's hospital and was able to view both a regular birth and a C-section and holy shit, the c-section was brutal to watch. The regular doctor was grabbing the kid out of her abdomen and there was a nurse/doc on either side of the woman, pulling her muscles apart/open really hard so that the main doctor could reach in and grab the newborn.
For her own sanity, don't even consider explaining it to her. That's what the internet is for. My poor niece had my father give her "The sex talk" when she was 16. My dad was a great guy, but even in his 60's he tended to over share and expound on his sexual exploits. Apparently even to his granddaughter. The poor girl was traumatized.
From my buddy-"Vanilla, watching your wife give birth is like taking a five year old to Disney and making him watch it burn to the ground."
Are you one of those assholes who was shoving a video camera up your wife's twat while she was sweaty and birthy?
Fuck no, lady. I wasn't talking about my wife. I'm not even married, and filming the whole thing sounds awful. I'm going to support as much or as little as she wants, but I draw the line at breaking out a Handycam.
Oh, he meant the general "You." My bad. But yeah, I have never understood that "trend" if you want to call it that. What idiot thought that filming their wife/lady in the middle of childbirth was a good idea? Is that the way you want to remember her, the kid, the place the kid is emerging from? I have already had the conversation and if it comes down to childbirth, el husband is getting his hand destroyed while I get my nether regions blasted open. It is only fair.
No, no, and no. And why a hand? They make contraction machines. We have discussed adopting. Maybe adopt a little China baby and raise him or her to hunt and fish and be a Libertarian. But, being a selfish, self serving asshole couple that doesn't have a care in the world is paying off in spades, too. So I could be bribed into not having kids with a twelve pack, some titties, and a fishing trip right now.
Ah child birth. The only time it will ever be acceptable for my wife to poop in front of me... But it never happened (according to her vague recollection). According to the images seared in my brain, it did. Why would anyone want to videotape that? The vast majority of births are accompanied by an accidental deuce. I'm going to be celebate for at least the next week, now. Funny story: did you know women have a natural hormone (or some kind of brain function) during child birth that suppresses memory? That way, they don't remember how fucking awful and traumatizing birth is for a woman's body when they are about to have kid number 2 or 3.
I wonder why certain threads are closed for rudeness the minute they turn conservative? Could we please get back to avoiding politics all together? It will bleed into the main boards soon enough.
Dude, there was conservative talk all over that thread. It started conservative. If anything, I let conservative people get the last word, when if I hadn't, people would be bitching about me letting my viewpoint get the last word. Do you really think that little of my ability to defend my viewpoint?
I always thought that the point of the video was to hold on to it for 15 years, then show it to your daughter. Sidebar: that thread was not going in a good direction, and it wasn't funny.