Before Alyssa Milano became an angry Twitter hag, she made a soft core porn about vampires. That wasn’t terrible.
“Embrace of the Vampire”, yes we’ve all masturbated in our lives so we are familiar. Most of her characters spend it moping and sulking.
I actually thought this was a really good movie. The gay undertones make me feel funny in my pants. I always use that line from Tom Cruise right at the end “Oww Louie Louie still whhhhinnning!”
That line sums up the everything. As Brad Pitt said “I hated making that movie more than any other. HATED it. My character wallows in misery the entire film and never grows in the least”. Cruise was really good in the film, though. He should play bad guys more often. After “Collateral” that’s all I wanted to see him play.
She was soooooo stupidly hot back in the day. But like many hot actresses who can’t act, when the reason for their fame is used up they look in the mirror and say “Well, I was famous, I made the Maxim Hot 100, I guess I’ll be an annoying shrew until I die now.”
Ashley Judd comes to mind. Harvey was just trying to help her career, she couldn’t suck his dick a couple times?
Penelope Cruz was on Fallon tonight promoting her new movie from Pedro Almodóvar. Holy cow she is gorgeous.
Say what you will about Tarantino's weird foot fetish, he managed to engineer a situation where Salma Hayek sticks her toes in his mouth and that's the great achievement a fetishist has ever achieved.
Hayek, easily. I’ve seen her in person, back in around 1996 in Vegas. She’s the height of a ten-year-old kid, I was shocked by how tiny she was. But she also showed me why celebrities are often chosen to be celebrities: she was perfect-looking, had no flaws or ticks and stood out like a bright light.
Gah, I hate misleading personalized plates and bumper stickers. If your plate says "PEACHES" and your bumper stickers say you're a southern belle... Well, I'll just say, in the south those words mean something, they ignite imagery in a southern man's head. This woman needs to scrape those stickers off and go back to a random seven character license plate.
If I had to choose one or not get any though it’d be Selma Hayek. She’s ageless in that Elizabeth Hurley Instagram thirst trap sort of way. Plus I mean the jugs. My god the jugs.