[WDT] !! EPIC!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS 2021 [NSFW]

Today, no, but in general, perhaps. I think you can connect the dots.

 

Are you sure? You get drunk and dry-hump the bridesmaids on the dance floor at every wedding? You’re That Uncle?

There are levels.

 

stop giving me ideas

my family got so drunk yesterday that they forgot to confirm the order for the turkey (kinda hard to make in a condo). So they showed up to our condo early this afternoon, handed me a frozen one from the grocery store along with a disposable foil pan and said dinner is in a few hours hopefully this isn’t too much to ask. We had salt, pepper, it’s been years since I’ve done a turkey (and then it was made properly), and the closest thing to a chef’s knife I could find for carving was this piece of shit:



there were also no cutting boards in the condo. The knife worked so horribly that I just separated it by hand like pulled pork. Predictably, everyone was too drunk to give a shit. Apparently it was quite good. I don’t like oven-baked turkey (fry that shit or smoke it).

 

my wife’s uncle did literally this at our wedding. In front of his wife and kids. Turns out that not only was he gay — as I predicted when I first met him, and my wife thought was bullshit up until it wasn’t — but he was also cheating on his wife with other men by advertising himself as, amongst other things “a submissive cock sucker” on Craigslist and using rent by the hour condos to meet. And yes, that stuff does apparently still exist and still happen, at least as recently as a few years ago.

 

Wouldn't that hurt your pussy the next day?

Me and Pornhub are both confused. Tired, and a little weirded out....but mostly confused.

 

Spatchcocking is when somebody accidentally swipes your genitals with their backpack.

 

So like a typical day taking the train into work? I’d be disappointed if a trip went by where I wasn’t spatchcocked.

 

How can you even notice with all the manspreading happening around you? How can you share the train with that FILTH?

 

Little Thanksgiving weekend fun. Fun fact, retired multiple supercross and motocross championship rider Chad Reed has now ridden on our practice track. Tracked it down because of photos of my friend's kids.

 

I keep seeing articles hyping up the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie. I think it’s called “Haim Nipple” or something like that.

 

Train it to snap “Yankee Doodle “ and we’ll make a killing on the vaudeville circuit.

 

I assume he meant him and your vagina.

 

I was just picturing him parading you around in a gyno chair with a bag over your head, but you made it weird.

 

Which one of you idiots was this?

 

Since it’s the same year as Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior, shouldn’t we be dressing the way they did in the movie?