There were two bulls sitting on a hill, an old bull and a young bull. And beneath them was a field of all these cows. Young bull turns to the old one with a twinkle in his eye, “hey man, I got an idea! Let’s run down there and fuck one of them heifers!!” Old bull turns back, wise in his years. “I have a better idea. Let’s WALK down there and fuck em ALL.”
Not really related, but I used to have a Landrace Boar (A big fucking 700lb pig.) He was usually pretty mellow, but he had a thing for the neighbor's cows. More than once I went chasing after him as he bolted across the field bound and determined he was going to fuck a cow. He was never happy when I intercepted him.
I've heard this joke many times over the years, and I still don't get it. That, or it's just not funny. One or the other, or maybe both.
My best friend of 25+ years is coming to camp in the yard this weekend. He's bringing a dude that has a ton of cancer. He doesn't have long to live at all. I've hung out with the guy a little over the years, maybe once a year for the past several years when I visit my friend. They're all certain this will be the man's last trip anywhere. The man himself has, perhaps jokingly, said he may die at our house. I hope that doesn't happen, I hope he has a great time here.
I'm sorry but that bikini top is in violation of US Flag Code and must be taken down immediately. Speaking of the Flag, I happened to take mine down on Thursday. It's just been a shittty week between the heat and the thunderstorms, figured I'd wash and raise it again for the weekend. But it's still shitty weather, nothing but cold drizzle. Doesn't seem worth putting it up if it's just gonna hang wet and limp, right ladies?
Latest Google search reports suggest we're getting an influx of clicks for the search phrase, "why do my parents wrestle at night." So... hello to the 12 year olds, I guess?
This is the pettiest shit ever but there's an Indian restaurant two blocks from my apartment that I refuse to order from because they charge $4.99 for plain rice. That's fucking double what they charge for naan. I will not be extorted in this way.
Living up to my title today. Guess who’s in the ER again? wave runner was about to fall off the ramp on my two nieces, wife and I immediately jumped in the water to stop it. It was…. Not very deep where I jumped in. Like 6 inches. felt a pop and took a bit to feel my legs again. Couldnt put weight on either leg so it was time to go to hospital. Leaving now with negative X-rays (fucking HOW?!) and in two walking boots and crutches for soft tissue damage in my ankles, lower legs, and both knees. this is gonna be an issue that takes a while to fix
ROTN is rubbing off of me. Our German Shepherd, Rottweiler mix finally got to meet the Neighbors Greyhound/Doberman mix this morning. The good news is they got along great and played hard for at least 40 minutes. The bad news is during the play, they slammed into my left knee. I am not sure if it is a really bad bruise or if I hurt something internally. Regardless, I am couch ridden and wondering if I am also headed to emergency on the 4th.
I’ll trade you. I’m in so much pain from my knees down that my wife had to bathe me. Can’t put any weight on either leg. I’m getting ready to crawl over to the bathroom where I have to fucking sit down to pee because I still can’t stand. But hey, at least the kids were okay. My bday is in two days and I’m likely gonna be bed ridden for it. Goddamnit
Shallow water, concrete, gas-powered high-speed vehicles. Sounds like the perfect situation for a not-at-all-injury-prone fellow such as yourself. Did you also strap M80s to the jetski for the Fourth of July?
landed in sand not concrete. Had to pull myself up on beach because everyone thought I was paralyzed and too afraid to touch me initially also, the pain this morning, fucking WOW. I’ve never felt anything like this, including brain surgery and covid edit: also at least I wasn’t like the lady who came in after us and stuck her arm between the boat and dock. forearm had like a 4 inch section of bone that was crushed and nothing structural there anymore. I almost threw up in my mouth
I am in Philly, seeing some sites. This place has a charming kind of trashy: billboards for Sophie Dee at (illegible sparkly nonsense) makes me wonder if that's a porn star at a titty bar or a pop star at a venue. Museum then fancy steakhouse for lunch, then I am leaving early to smash my dream girl. Expressed anal glands describes how I reacted to a cheese steak, and possibly the ingredients of said cheese steak. Fuck yeah, 4th of July.