Sorry to hear all that. I guess by normal I mean happy and generally functional. Which may or may not be normal.
I'm sure I've discussed it previous years, but man, being able to step back, look at traditions, and say, "wow, this sucks, let's scrap it and do something new that is fun and make THAT the tradition", is so very nice. For instance, we used to feel obligated to travel 3 hours every Christmas to see relatives that we only saw at Christmas, and it sucked... so we just said, "no more", and we now actually enjoy Christmas day ourselves, rather than getting up at 6am to hit the road by 8 to get there by noon for a lunch.
This year, especially the past couple of months, and MOST ESPECIALLY, the past couple of weeks, has been super hard emotionally on everyone in our house. I put our trees up hoping to help bring in some cheer. Last Christmas was super rushed and abrupt, as we’d just moved into the house. And, the house itself was a horrid, horrible brown. I’m hoping that the work we’ve done reflects a little.
A lot of our holiday stuff was held together specifically because of my mom. Especially Thanksgiving. When she died, nobody wanted to take on the burden, so we just stopped. My wife and I have both been in the hospitality/retail business for as long as we've been dating, but we've had the actual day of Thanksgiving off. We usually get one of those boneless turkey balls and make stuffing, mashed potatoes, broccoli casserole, and i have some cocktails. Then we go to work on Black Friday. Now that we live near her folks, we can see family for thanksgiving...but not this year! So back to the turkey ball for us.
Totally agree. That ability comes from not putting your Christmas traditions on a perfect little crystalized pedestal to start with. My brother-in-law and his wife bought a big house and one of the things they hoped to do was to create new family Christmas traditions. He was really crushed when his wife's side of the family basically said, "fuck you, we won't change." My in-laws grumble and stress about it, because they're unable to cope with changes to their traditions, and frankly, the quantity gift-giving that has resulted from this is ridiculous. It's good for kids to know that traditions can and should evolve over time. I say this like my holidays are hard. They aren't. I am so lucky: I have two great families that I look forward to spending time with. But one of those families would have a more relaxed holiday if they stopped believing that changing holiday traditions was basically equivalent to murdering Santa.
I think I've posted this before, but I've broken 3 bones on a Friday the 13th and one on a saturday the 14th after purposefully doing exactly nothing the previous day. I'm not superstitious, but I am a little bit stitious. I'm also still nursing a broken nose from last weekend when my son accidentally headbut me. He thought it was funny until the blood started coming out. Poor guy.
It's nothing crazy, just wanting to do the exact same thing every year that they've always done. The same holiday party, the same Christmas morning at the same house, the same meal at the same table that they've done for the last 25 years. Only it's not the same; the kids are grown, with partners and other families to celebrate with. It's stupid. My BIL lives within a reasonable drive, has lots of bedrooms, he's got their only grandchild, and a big dog so travel isn't easy. There's every reason to create a new celebration at my BIL's house. But nope. God forbid they eat in someone else's dining room.
Old people are weird about change. I remember having to explain that the 1 day our Grocery Store was closed was X-mas day, and that the usual retired-dude group would have to stay home. I had this conversation, every year, same guys, for like 6 years in a row. I think that's what retirement is for some guys, just showing up up at places at the same time.
I hear ya. My MIL is having a tough time with that this year. My wife and I rotate between her family and my family for Thanksgiving every other year. Her entire extended family has historically gone to Newport, RI to have dinner, go shopping, do a cliff walk, etc. It’s been the same routine since we started dating 10 years ago. 2 years ago we went and about 75% of her cousins didn’t show up, her grandparents stayed in their hotel room because they’re in their 90s and no one wanted to really do anything except look at their phones. The tradition is dead. This year my MIL wanted us to go to Newport with just my wife, daughter and I for no other reason than to go to Newport. No one else is going and we can’t do shit because RI is a mess from COVID. She got real pissy when we told her there is no point in doing it.
I agree with other idiots, in that traditions should be flexible to a degree. Our Christmas Eve tradition was nearly identical to what Binary described, with tables loaded with Italian food. It wasn’t so much the ending of that tradition that bothered me, it was the lack of interest in arriving at something new. Bewildered, as far as making new traditions for your family, other than what I described above ours revolved around going certain places every year, and food. Find a traditional dish from your heritage, or invent your own. If everyone likes it, then making and eating that dish at the holiday every year can be something fun that your kids will always remember. Eating lutefisk every December 25 will stay with you, trust me. As for activities, now we go to see the tree in Rockefeller Center every year, combined with a nice dinner and a visit to St Patricks Cathedral and the stores on 5th Avenue. When I was a kid, we went to light displays, some of them indoors and accompanied by animatronic displays, known around here as the Ice Caverns. These days local parks and zoos often have light displays, sometimes paired with beer or wine.
A couple more ideas for festivity: There's a street in every town where people go all out on lights/decorations. Bundle everyone up, make thermoses of hot chocolate (spiked?), and go for a walk. My parents were lazy and we would generally just drive by one afternoon on the way home from dance class, but still, I totally loved it. I've made a gingerbread house every year I can remember. My dad created the template himself and I still use cut out pieces of yellow legal pad paper from 1986-ish. I also draw the details with royal icing in exactly the way my mom did. Fun with kids but be warned, they won't have the attention span to stick with it and finish decorating until elementary school. Last year my niece was 3, she stuck like 4 candies on there and called it a day. Pro tip: glue it together with hot glue and then cover that with the royal icing. Nobody eats the thing after it's been sitting out for weeks anyway! When kids are in that believability sweet spot, the NORAD Santa tracker is pretty fun. I remember driving home from my grandparents' every Christmas Eve listening to the radio DJ giving updates from there. Now you just pull it up on your phone. My mom plays Christmas carols on the recorder every year. The best part is enjoying how much my sister hates it. FALALALALA!!!