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[WDT] NATIONAL TELL A JOKE DAY [NSFW]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bewildered, Aug 16, 2019.

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  1. Binary

    Binary
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    Great joke. Excellent delivery.
     
    #61 Binary, Aug 20, 2019
  2. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

    Because they taste funny.
     
    #62 Crown Royal, Aug 20, 2019
  3. Rush-O-Matic

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    If you're not embarrassed about moving a dick back and forth in your mouth, you should be embarrassed about your inability to tell the joke. Both of those things you should have improved on since middle school. One you obviously haven't.


    A guy walks into a bar.
    The guy behind him ducks.
     
    #63 Rush-O-Matic, Aug 20, 2019
  4. Revengeofthenerds

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    Squeeze a little orajel inside someone's toothpaste. It'll be the first thing that comes out and will be covered up by the toothpaste so they never notice until their mouth starts going numb. Did this to my roommate in college and it freaked him the fuck out. I've done it to a few other people since then and as of yet no one has caught it. I think because it's so unexpected.

    You can also put gin or vodka in their mouthwash and it works quite well. Best if you get the cheapest, plastic bottle rot gut shit you can find. It's amazing I still have friends.
     
    #64 Revengeofthenerds, Aug 20, 2019
  5. NatCH

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    #65 NatCH, Aug 20, 2019
  6. wexton

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    Sorry to deviate from the joke telling. I have a question for you all.

    Can you rape yourself?

    So awhile after we went to bed, my wife starts initiating sex rubbing my back, down my leg, etc. After a couple of minute or so she gets on top. After about 30 seconds or so she stops looks down at me with a look of horror. She was sleeping all that time.
     
    #66 wexton, Aug 21, 2019
  7. Juice

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    Sounds like sexsomnia, which is an actual sleep disorder.
     
    #67 Juice, Aug 21, 2019
  8. Kubla Kahn

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    #68 Kubla Kahn, Aug 21, 2019
  9. Rush-O-Matic

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    Ronda Rousey is pretty tough.

    upload_2019-8-21_8-42-26.png

    Seriously, don't click on that if you have a weak stomach.
     
    #69 Rush-O-Matic, Aug 21, 2019
  10. Revengeofthenerds

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    She had a look of horror when she realized she was having sex with you?

    Yup, checks out.
     
    #70 Revengeofthenerds, Aug 21, 2019
  11. dixiebandit69

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    Sooooo, did y'all finish the deal?
     
    #71 dixiebandit69, Aug 21, 2019
  12. NatCH

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    Is your concern about the sleeping part? Because if it's the 30 seconds and look of horror, I've been a witness to many a self-rape. HEYO!
     
    #72 NatCH, Aug 21, 2019
  13. Revengeofthenerds

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    I self-raped myself for years before my wife. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. And I’m not blind either!
     
    #73 Revengeofthenerds, Aug 21, 2019
  14. walt

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    She doesn't take Ambient by chance, does she?
     
    #74 walt, Aug 21, 2019
  15. NatCH

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    She didn’t get really, really racist by chance, did she?
     
    #75 NatCH, Aug 21, 2019
  16. Nettdata

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    Yeah man... that soothing music will fuck you up....
     
    #76 Nettdata, Aug 21, 2019
  17. Aetius

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    Order the Pure Moods CD now! Includes such great artists as Enya... mouth.
     
    #77 Aetius, Aug 21, 2019
  18. Revengeofthenerds

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    You would think after 10 years of living together my wife would learn not to order shit that comes flat-packed and with cam locks. "Yes hunny, there's a reason it was so cheap. Because it takes THREE GODDAMN HOURS TO ASSEMBLE!!!"

    I was trying to put the shit together and in the living room while she was watching some reality show lying in bed, and she had the balls to yell "do you really have to curse so loud? The kids are asleep!"

    ... Is it really ambien that makes you sleep rape? Because she's getting an asshole dicking when she least expects it for that.
     
    #78 Revengeofthenerds, Aug 21, 2019
  19. walt

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    Fucking auto correct on my phone... I don't know where it comes up with this shit.
     
    #79 walt, Aug 22, 2019
  20. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    Am I wrong for finding this funny?

    https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5256551

     
    #80 Nettdata, Aug 22, 2019
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