Speaking of pranks, one of my friends passed out at a party and got put in the bed of a stranger's pickup. He woke up the next day still in the truck bed in someone's yard in a different town. This was in the days before everyone had cell phones so he had to knock on their door and ask to use the phone and where the hell he was to have someone come get him. I'm sure he didn't find it funny, but it is one of the more awesome pranks I have heard of.
I barely survived the night. My driver got pulled over on the way home. I didn't have my ID on me, luckily I know my ss. Also my driver was sober enough.I'm now home laying in bed, drunk as fuck I love you motherfuckers.
Until you see some chick wearing a size 12 waddling down the street. I want to gouge out my eyes just thinking about it so I never have to see such a tradgic sight.
Not as fubn as last night, saw some old friends but we were mostly soberish, had to walk the gf back home cuz she was hameerred. Friend only had piss beer todrink, tomorrow morning (fuck,THIS morning)will suck
Harry Potter (books) drinking game: 1. Read Harry Potter 2. Mentally replace every instance of the word "wand" with "wang" and drink 3. drunken hilarity ensues Spoiler
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a chick in a size 12 anything. Those of you who feel otherwise can eat a bag of dicks.
For the sake of argument, here are some plus-sized girls (probably sized 12-16), so that you can all throw up in your mouths at the thought:
I just got out of having to play Santa Claus at a Christmas party for little kids today. JOY TO THE FUCKING WORLD, BROHAMS. I have a new batch of bud and I'm digging in.
I had a 4 Loko party last night. 3 cases of The Loko. Only 15 cans were consumed. The big Irish guy took out 5, I took out 3, and everybody else was too disgusted to do more than one can each. The upside is we still have about 2 cases of this garbage for New Years or the black market. Let me sum up the night: DEADLY POISON. I puked for the first time in over a year. Everything burns. Let me rephrase that we are technically "adults", whatever the fuck that means. Oh and someone baked a 4 Loko cake:
This shit is like a fucking CULT right now, and I can't excess it unless I stay two nights in the States, which isn't happening anywhere in the near future. BY then I'll have to by it in Scaryville in south-west Detroit. I can't tell how much of the good ol' Fearmongering they through into this, but this shit sounds pretty wild:
Completed my first beer mile last week with 10 kids from my cross country team. For those who don't know its a mile with beer chugs in between it goes. Chug a beer-->Run a lap-->Chug a beer-->Run a lap-->Chug a beer-->Run a lap-->Chug a beer-->Run a lap. We did it with Utica club since we go to school in Utica and it is NOT a light beer. It was awesome. Everyone but two participants threw up and three of the kids drank something different. The winner went-->6:52 (Didnt throw up) #2--> drank keystone light and didnt finish them all the way (dqed) I came 5th in the honest time of 14:30 something, Fourth after the DQ and threw up twice after the second lap with the biggest projectile hurl of my life. I won best throw up award. Everyone finished, but the last guy came in at like 20 minutes and he was one of our top 5 runners for the team. So much fun.
I love drunk inappropriate comments. My name so happens to be Edward. When I introduced myself to the hostess of a band party I went to, she replied "Oh awesome, just like Twilight." My response? "Exactly like that. Except I'm not a faggot and I don't glitter when I'm in the sun."
Okay, we get it, you like the fatties. Perhaps our esteemed colleague didn't quite know what a size 12 really looked like when he made a facetious comment about size twelve whales? Women's clothing sizings are even less rational than the old imperial measurement system. One may as well say size i squared for all that they really mean. Even if we take your word for it that those are, in fact, size twelves, you know that they're heavily photoshopped.
This is priceless. Whoever does Elmo is a lot quicker than you think. He battles Rick Gervais toe-to-toe here with some great lines.
Pure. Refreshing. Bacon. Yeah, because when I'm extra thirsty after a run, or after working in the sun all day, or after vigorous sex, the first thing I crave is a pure, refreshing, glass of bacon. What a ridiculous statement. There are few things in the world less refreshing than the flavour of bacon, and one of those things is a shot glass of kosher salt. Tasty, yes. Refreshing, fuck no.
Why do people "apologise" while trying to justify their behaviour? It is no longer an apology at that point, is it? Or am I just too pissed the fuck off?