so apparently some asshole at the house party was trying to fight everyone in sight so the cops were called but it's okay i got to play with as many asses as i wanted it was AWESOME
So im drunk and i need numbers to prank call, if anyone needs someone to be fucked with, send me numbers
Yes. I had one of those(or something similar, not sure). It all started with a slight pain in my balls. I ignored it thinking it was nothing and would go away soon. Also because I was 17 at the time and so I would have to tell my parents about it and they are Paki and super conservative. The pain got worse and worse and I kept ignoring it. Eventually it got to the point where it would hurt to even sit down, or do anything where my scrotum was touching anything at all. So I told my parents and they scheduled an appointment with the doctor. I went to the doctor she asked me to tell me when it hurt. She touched my scrotum and I screamed. She told me she would get me a referral with a urologist. The appointment was 3 days from the time of the meeting with the primary care. Later that day she called my house. She spoke to my mother and told me that she had spoken with the urologist and i had to go there right away or I could lose a testicle. I. Fucking. Panicked. The trip to the urologist was the scariest trip of my life. Before he started his examination he told me to tell him when it hurt. I told him it always hurt and to please not apply any pressure anywhere. He seemed to not take me seriously and the first thing he did was grab one of my balls. I almost cried. He scheduled me for an ultrasound. I went right away. The ultrasound was painful in more than one way. They laid me down on a table in a cold ass room. The woman who was going to do the ultrasound came in and she was pretty good looking. I had bigger concerns though so I paid no attention to it. She asked me if it was ok if a student came in and observed the procedure. I said sure why not. The student came in. She was good looking too and I began to worry about getting a boner. I didn't realize until she rubben the gel on me that this would be the exact opposite of my concerns. She picked up my penis and put it on my stomach and put the gel all over my nutsack. It was so fucking cold. My dick shriveled up like a frightened turtle(seinfeld anyone?). Now I was just embarrassed that two good looking women were staring at my package in its incredibly shrunken state. She did the ultrasound which was incredibly painful. She told me that the problem was that some of the tubules that make up balls had gotten tangled up. I went back to the urologist. He told me that there was basically nothing that good be done. The tubules that had gotten tangled up would eventually die and he just gave me some serious painkillers to help with the pain during the process. It took about a week or so but the pain finally subsided. Possibly the worst experience of my life. Also, I'm so god damn happy to see Keeley get some airtime on the idiot board. She is my favorite. Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Dear god can a woman get any hotter? 32E for fuckes sake. 32E!!! Also, to the ones ready to cry photoshop, I give you this: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/51179/keeley_hazel/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.metacafe.com/watch/51179/keeley_hazel/</a> Can't photoshop that. She is perfection.
oh my fucking God. What is going on here?! This was supposed to be a happy place and now everybody's nuts are smashed? Shut the fuck up. tits
Well, my easy weekend at home ended up exactly how we all knew it would...It's 5 am, I'm drunk and I'm just now going to bed. Thank you Guinness.
Seriously.... Fuck Friday night in the ass with a rusty cotton spindle... I can't handle this much drinking but I don't wanna stop...
ufdahgjofdsanoirekdsla The Jersey Shore party was fucking great We mixed Monster Energy Shots with Beer. I feel so so so so sos os hungover riht now.
Ugh, I'm not 24 Anymore, I can't do energy drink mixes without feeling like I was beat with a 2x4 the next day. And I'm not a big fan of my heart feeling like it's going to beat out of my chest. I AM, however, about 3/4 of a .750 of vodka deep, and I'm just getting started. Is it wrong to drink that much alone? I only do it on weekends, since I know I'm an undercover alcoholic. I don't even drink on weekdays. Is that restraint, or what? Edit: my rep total says I should contribute to the boobie or booty thread. I think you would all have violently negative reactions to that, but... get me drunk enough, I can show you my pelt, or some man-ass...
My sister bought some cheap sangria wine. Surprisingly, she'd never tried sangria before. I was more than happy to help her down a bottle or three. Nothing says "high class" like chugging cheap sangria from the bottle. Now I feel like death has fucked me in the asshole. Without lube. And instead of my asshole, my face. Ballsack I don't know how you do this. Now I'm watching Science channel and waiting for the guys to come pump the septic tank, while I'm hoping the morning drunk will make a smooth transition into sober. I know it won't **edit** forgot to share, best hangover remedy ever: Excedrin migraine (yeah, I know it's probably bad for your system, someone pm me if I shouldn't), followed by 2 gatorades and chicken ramen with a fuckload of cayenne powder. The cayenne powder is the key, I think.
I've never had pre-made Sangria. Just the home-made shit. But that makes me feel like pounding my head against the wall for an hour or two would be less painful.
The only problem I've seen, (for those who repped me) was when it didn't actually get made. My best friend drank four bottles of red because the people whose house we went to on thanksgiving decided it was too much trouble. 4 bottles of red + lightweight = the closest I've ever come to seeing my buddy puking. He kept it down, bless his soul. It didn't help him that he did, next morning.
So now I'm more alert and functional. Hungover like a champ though, and I burped energy drink for the past 2 hours. That shit is poison.
That's what I'm trying to tell people. Get mildly fucked up until 11 PM or so (maintain your buzz, like any savvy drunk does) then pound them down. But NOT the energy drink cocktails. I did that from age 20-25, it left me with no memories, no sense of balance, and more "I'm the asshole" stories than I can count. If you need to get drunk (like I do, I'm not a saint) find the alcohol that lets you get kinda fucked up, but remember what happened, and hopefully, you had some control over what happened. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 29 now that makes me think I can imbue wisdom on others, but the things I have to say don't make less sense because of it. Best advice I've ever heard in my 29 (drunken) years... Find your buzz, then maintain that. No more, no less. If it takes having one drink an hour to maintain that level, then do that and count it as fair. As soon as you lose control, someone else will be in charge of you, and you won't like what they do with your drunk ass...
Wow. I forgot I wrote that until about an hour after I woke up. Just logged on now to see if I really had or if it was a dream. I'm so impressed with myself, that shit is written better than most of my sober posts. Even the imaging is done right. High functioning drunkenness for the win.
About to do a polar plunge for the Special Olympics. Last week I streaked for AIDS. I support great causes when I am drunk. RUnning retards!
What a fcking night. A couple of buddies and myself ended up driving an hour to Mobile, AL at like 1130 at night. Jesus H. Bars there stay open until 4, which is fcking awesome, and apparently I passed out in my buddies truck at some point. The other guy ended up hooking up with a really small local chick which was cool. EXCEPT HE'S ENGAGED!!! We all ended up crashing at her place 20 min away. I don't know what to think about it since my buddy has done this a few times before. So what do you guys think, he's engaged to a cool chick, she lives 5 states away, but will be moving here some time in the next few months once school is finished. He goes out every weekend and hooks up with random chicks. He's a good guy and all...but hell, I know that's wrong and feel like I should say something to him.
I had surgery on January 13th and haven't been able to drink since due to the medication I was on to help with the healing and the pain. I have since been told I can stop taking this medication, and thus consume as many alcoholic beverages as my heart desires. The downside to my surgery is that I had to give up hockey for the rest of the season, but I have been going to the games to 'coach' just to be around the team. Tonight, the Coach is going to have a flask on the bench filled with Jameson and finally get to give the referees a piece of my inebriated mind. I know refs are doing us a favour because without them there wouldn't be a league, but when, on more than one occasion, they deliberately say they are going to wave off every icing because they want to go home, it makes sense I get to tear into them when drunk. Tonight will be fun. Hopefully no (more) arrests.
I'm kinda shitfaced, and while I don't want to make an ass of myself, I want to say something. Ugh. This is gonna make an ass of me, however drunk I am (or not). I love this place, and I'm glad it picked up where the TMMB left off. Faugh. That tasted bad in my mouth, and on my fingers.