Weekend Drunk Thread 2/26/10

fuck. Def tried reading some of these replies... I'd get about a letter in and then go cross eyed. might be a little drunk?

 

If I were you I'd "accidentally" miss the toilet.

 

Woke up an hour ago to the realisation that I'd tried to puke in the bin, and in fact covered the carpet. I've tried cleaning it with stuff I have to hand, but it's still left a dingy mark. Fuck.

I also have a new Facebook friend. A lesbian, whose profile picture seriously looks like a man (I'm not being an ass when I say that), and who has a very masculine name. I have no idea who this person is. She lives a good deal of distance away from me, and I have no idea if I added her or vice versa. According to the great FB we have a few friends in common, but I'll be fucked if I know why we're friends all of a sudden.

 

Dude I fucking wish I was Ashley Greene, I'd never leave my god damn house.

 

We've achieved an estimated 65% success rate with "Have you met [name]?"

Good to know.

 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck the line at Ben's Chili bowl. 3rd night out in a row. My liver hurts. Love the women in DC but they have AIDS. Also, fuck go-go music.

 

Well, now that I am home from the bar, it is time to sit in my room and watch some Dave Matthews youtube videos on my 42" while drinking some beers. Who's still up drinking with me?

 

moi.

though it's not that late for me.

I'm starving and the only thing I have to eat in my house is eggs. I'm contemplaating walking to mcdonalds.

 

It's been, literally, years since I've puked from drinking, and I can drink more than a bottle of liquor in a sitting, and black out for hours at a time.

Maybe it's that I drink vodka. Maybe other liquors would make me puke. Still, it's been since '05 or '06 since I chucked from imbibing.

I am, I am. Of course, I only woke up at like, 11:30 PM. Damn, I have to wake up at 2 PM today, not sure how that will work.

If you like Dave Matthews, check out these podcasts of my favorite morning show in the world, The Mikey Show and listen to any of the ones where the description says Dave Matthews. Woodsie does a killer impression, with guitar et al.

 

Hello! I am sober but desperately need your help on the weekend drunk thread. It is 3:30am and apparently my buddy got kicked out of a bar, has been abducted, or their brain has been replaced by stupid. (Go figure.) Does anyone speak drunkenese? I seem to have lost my ability and need a text message deciphered.

Are they in jail? Are they performing magic acts? Are they singing Whitney Houston lyrics?

Please explain this conversation to me, and then lie to me saying I never drunk texted anyone in the past so I can retain a shred of dignity.

Kittie's Friend: Ok they day is ove for you tadow know know did we ave it good???

Kittie's reply: What the fuck is that?

Kittie's Friend: What what???

Kittie's reply: Go the fuck to bed or I am making you go to AA with me tomorrow.

Kittie's Friend: Adderrrrallllllllll ides marh bewre

Kittie's reply: Where the hell are you? Do you need me to call you a cab?

Kittie's Friend: bushs sine lamp lover

Then I received a picture of what I am assuming are testicles.

And to that, I have turned off my phone. Should I be concerned?

 

Were you ever romantically involved with this person?

 

Besides the fact that your friend is an obvious fan of Anchor Man, he is probably both drunk and high on adderall. Hope this helps.

 

He's clearly on Bush street near the street lamp, drunk as fucked and high on adderall, and wants to know if you want to hook up.

Jesus, I would write a drunkenese to english dictionary, but it wouldn't make any sense.

 

I most absolutely have never been romantically involved with this person, but I did kick him in the balls during third grade.

The scary thing is, we are both approaching our mid thirties and I get these texts from him frequently ( almost nightly ) and he is a RN specializing in trauma. If he is not drunkenly texting me, he finds it amusing to play "ding dong ditch" on his way home from the bar. It makes me feel safe if I ever have to go to the emergency room.

 

He's in love with you, but in the friend zone. Just so you know...

I speak from experience.

 

I'm tempted to pour myself a glass of scotch. Someone please talk me out of it.

By the way, Dave Matthews Band is the shit.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Hey look at that, I fixed it.

HIMYM?

 

I'm guessing he's a closet perve that has been lusting after you ever since that first heavenly blow to the balls.

He definitely wants to be inside you though. Or at least cuddle.

 

I sincerely hope you guys are wrong.

I didn't exactly mean for him to end up in the "friend zone" but I never have understood why people get all mushy and confessional when they are drunk. The only thing I wanted when I was drinking was "more".

Maybe I am becoming delusional from insomnia, or maybe my luck just licks donkey balls, but it seems like I am seriously flypaper for freaks and my guy friends are slowly but surely losing their minds. Hell, maybe it is just because I am sober and they aren't. I wish I could drink sometimes, this sucks.