Weekend Drunk Thread [3-12-10] SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

DID NOT drive last night yet my DD almost hit a drunk pedestrian who decided to run out in traffic. I think the IRA is after me.

 

Hooray beer and whoever played this song...

 

Went to the bar last night at 5:30pm, didn't leave until 3am. Had an awesome time, even when some piss drunk broad tried to take my full drink from me and claim it as her own. I called her on it and she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "It's Saint Patrick's Day, stop trying to altercate with me!." Then she was thrown out on her saggy ass.

The bar owner started a drinking game in which we took a shot every time someone went into the alley to puke. Needless to say, I ended up being one of the pukers and ruined a hoodie in the process.

All in all, it was a good way to spend my first legal St. Patty's Day.

 

Man, I forgot how much I love March Madness. I was going to go out to a nice celebratory dinner tonight, but I am considering just heading to a local dive with TVs on every wall and eating wings instead.

 

I'm taking a discretionary day tomorrow, for no other reason than it's supposed to be nice out and it will give me an extra night of drinking this weekend. Now for a trip to the liquor store to stock up for my spontaneous three day weekend.

I think I'm going to have beer for breakfast in the morning. I'll probably go ahead and get up when my husband leaves for work (which is still 3 hours after I usually do) since Pearl Jam tickets go on sale tomorrow, so I can attempt to get good seats.

 

Being sober for 45 days has certainly lowered my tolerance, which will be handy on the bank account.

I'm only 8 beers into the day and am starting to shake the cobwebs loose that developed during 45 days of staring at a wall.

While I was staring at the ceiling from my 6' cot (I'm 6'7", so you can guess how well that went over) I did come up with what could be my dream girl: Her tits would give off high octane vodka and her cooter would shoot out chicken fried steaks on demand. I figure with a girl like that I could take her on the county fair circuit and make a fortune setting her tits on fire like gas lights and selling chicken fried steaks to the masses.

C'mon, you know you would pay a dollar and a quarter to see a woman with flaming titties and another six bucks for a 'giner fresh chicken fried steak.

 

Oddly enough, I find the idea of a vagina that is also a deep fryer both frightening and unpleasant. You might end up with a deep fried dick.

 

Hmm, so it appears that toytoy is alive and indeed spent some time in jail. Who wins the pool now?

 

For the love of Mao, you Chinese fuckers, LEARN TO CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTHS SHUT. It is the height of rudeness and annoyance to do so, no matter what your fucked up culture says about it.

 

Girlfriend get crumbs on the bed again?

 

At my advanced age vodka and a good chicken fried steak are much more important then getting laid. So is basic lawn care.

And if I really had to, I could start cramming Popsicles in her 'giner to cool it down and giving her a taste of delicious strawberries and cream as an added bonus.

It's win/win I tell ya'.

 

Nah. Study partners went to get shawarma. GLOP GLOP GLOP SMACK SMACK SHOOP GLOOP CLICK CLICK CLACK.

 

My little sister is hanging out with me tonight. We're watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother since she doesn't regularly watch the show.

Sadly, our little liquor store didn't have any Guinness or Jameson. My tiny little town does not respect St. Paddy's week. At. All.

So tonight I'm drinking Crown. Cheers to all you Canadians, eh.

 

Why is this thread dead when I want to post? Seriously, I don't work tomorrow so I am partaking tonight and there hasn't been a post since my last one almost two hours ago?

Fuck Facebook, fuck it in it's stupid ass. I was signed on in one tab while browsing in another and my cousin's ex-wife starts chatting with me. She never chats with me, never writes on my wall or sends me messages, I haven't really talked to her since their divorce.

Anyway, she says (and I'm correcting the grammar, punctuation, and capitalization) "So I hear you're going to have a new addition to the family." I say, "Yep, Sarah [my sister] is expecting a little bundle of joy." She responds with "Lol I knew that, I meant Josh [my cousin.]"

Cue me logging off. You see, my cousin and his current girlfriend are due to have a baby in October. My cousin's ex calls him constantly, even though she was the one who left him (four times, if my math is right.) Apparently she called him tonight and he broke the news to her, resulting in her crying and telling him she loved him.

Fuck a whole bunch of that, I refuse to get in the middle of that clusterfuck.

 

Just got home from a 4.5 hour Defensive Driving Course. Agonizing 4.5 hours.

And fuck all the little bitches in that class with me, acting disgusted and shocked when they found out I was mandated to attend for a 27mph over ticket.

Time to get drunk and silly.

I just drank my last Guinness. Now I'm in a time machine of nostalgic alcohol. Sunkist and vodka. This is stupidly good.

 

No. You take one for the team, get in the middle, and keep us posted on the hilarity.

I have an exam tomorrow morning, my last midterm of the semester (also my 10th midterm of the semester or something stupid like that). Pub night tomorrow, hockey game saturday, pub night saturday evening. With all these pub nights, I'm not going to be able to use my balcony before the cold weather sets in again.

Redundant question: should I get a flask and sip scotch on the (2 hour) bus ride down to the hockey game?

 

If she were still online, I would do just that. I've got enough Crown in my system now to have no problem jumping in the middle of their business.

Yes, sir. Yes you should. I got a flask for my 21st birthday that says "Everybody loves a drunk girl." Not always true, but still funny.

 

Ah sweet freedom! I can roust myself at 6AM and drink a beer. And kill mice.

Thus far the body count stands at 9.

This is the first victim of the morning along with the murder weapon. This little bastard went streaking across my floor and I stunned him with a Nolan Ryan like fastball, except I used a book that happened to be handy instead of a baseball.

Then I grabbed the nearest heavy object that wasn't my book, which happened to be a pair of side cutters, and beat him to death.

If this sounds cruel, fuck you...you've obviously never had a house full of mice.

Fuck mice.

 

Mice are foul beasts. My ex's place got them because the landlord was far to lazy to fix a hole under a new stove they brought in to replace the one that broke (hello, four months of agony).

When you've got weather that's hitting the low -30's, mice will almost everything to get in your house. We had to throw out two couches because of those fuckers.

In short, fuck mice.