Weekend Drunk Thread [3-12-10] SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

...................and finally, I found a song to dedicate to ghettoastronaut. His head may blow off but I'm fully willing to accept his feeble repercussions.

 

I'm pretty good with words, but for the first time in my life words have failed me.

I was trying to explain to my niece how awesome it is to be alone in the woods and I couldn't put my thoughts and feelings into words.

How do you explain sitting on pine needles and listening to the wind blowing high above your head in the branches of old, forgotten trees? How do you describe watching reflections of trees on disgruntled water?

Disgruntled water? Jesus. That's a fucked up and stupid analogy. How can water be disgruntled? Did someone accidentally gruntle it? And how the fuck do you gruntle something? Is it something to be proud of and brag about? "Dude! I gruntled that girl last night, but then the cops showed up so I had to disgruntle her"

Anyways, I know we have a talented bunch here...how about someone come up with some words to share with my niece about how awesome it is to be alone in the forest.

Fuck it. It's only 11. Maybe I'll just go out in the woods with a couple of beers and see if anything comes to mind.

 

What the fuck are you talking about Toy?
This is the drunk thread. You know, where it's fun?
How old is your niece? I may have some words for her.
And when it comes to words, I can get real talented.
Until tomorrow, when I'm sober; I'll just ask her how many she is and if she wants some candy.

What the hell, dude?

Say something funny or something.

 

German bar. They make their own sausages, you make your own jokes. Goddamn fucking sausages everywhere, yet I couldn't master them all. It is not about consumption, it is if you can overcome cased meat. I know the bartendress pretty well. She kept feeding me unbelievable crap. Schnapps. Brandy. The labels said fruit yet every goddamn one tasted like rubbing alcohol. Then the owner pulled out the 80% Stroh rum. 160 FUCKING PROOF RUM. I gotta take a shit like you wouldn't believe. How the fuck do you balance violent puking with uncontrollable shitting? Get in the tub? I'm fucking scared. There is not enough soft scrub...

 

An hour ago a 3some with me and the two new hot barmaids from my club was on, now it is not.. I do not know how it transpired that I ended up in bed alone, but then I am in a relationship, so really I shouldn't be doing this kind of thing...

damn morals and principles....

 

Gucci Mane has officially broken my ghetto translator with his lemonade song. Does anyone have any idea wtf one sentance in that song means without googling it?

 

God damnit I hate Gucci Mane. One of my good friends on Maui thinks his song "Do the Dishes" is hilarious and plays it all the time. I, on the other hand, just find it annoying.

The battles we have gotten in over the playing of this song have been epic.

 

God damnit Up in the Air is such a good movie. Like, phenomenally good. Just got done watching it for the second time and it was even better than the first time. Much like No Country for Old Men, it was just a different kind of movie. And the acting job, holy shit.

If you haven't seen it yet, you're an idiot. This can only be remedied by seeing it. If you've seen it once, watch it again. You'll like it even more.

 

Had a blast tonight.

Involved walking about a mile from a bar to a friends house. That is very odd to me because I live out of the city.
When I got there around midnight, everyone was passed out. So I hop in my car and drive back to the bar I just left.
Meet up with a girl there and she drives me back to her place. On the way there my phone dies.

So after a mediocre, rowdy rump with a zero, she falls asleep. So I grab her phone and call a cab, answered with "Okay, we'll be there in ten to fifteen minutes". 45 minutes later I walk about a mile down the road to a gas station, call another cab from a different company with the landline there.

Now I sit here posting while drinking a noxious mixture of 99 bananas, Baileys and blue Curacao.

And the sun is about to rise.

 

Would have preferred Rocket Man, the Elton John version.

 

I don't think I've been sober a moment since I got out of the clink. This whole matter over the property is desperately taking it's toll on my health. My step mother and her daughter have contacted the local law enforcement and asked them to keep me off MY property. They laughed in their face. I don't think they realize that I'm friends with all of the cops and their little "We're better then you" act just pisses folks off.

It seems the two of them don't quite understand how small towns work. Your reputation means everything. Folks around here know my character and they also remember that if they ever needed anything that I could provide I'd gladly give it to them. My step mother's reputation....hahahaha...these are direct quotes: "She's really arrogant", "She really likes money", "She's a bitch."

I was able to assimilate myself down here just by being myself. She has no idea how to do anything for herself and people hold a great deal of contempt for the way she and her daughter have treated me. I'm one of their own. She's the woman with a diamond on every finger who talks down to folks and parades around like a queen. It's also common knowledge in this neck of the woods that all her riches came from my father. An act like that doesn't exactly fly in these parts.

Anyways, their latest power trip was to ask my aunt to take my keys and garage door openers for my spare house and send them out to them. She pretty much told them to go fuck a goat. I honestly think they're completely ignorant of what they're doing and how pissed off the locals are getting about it.

I'm going to send them my garage door openers and keys to the house. It's also common knowledge around here that I protected that land like a crazy gun toting hillbilly and stepping on the property without my permission would be very hazardous to a person's health. I think they believe that place remained untouched for 2 1/2 years due to people's kind nature. Wrong.

Word is going to get around very quickly that I'm no longer watching the place and all hell is going to ensue. There's a small fortune in tools and equipment on the property, along with the house itself. I've had more then one friend tell me I need to go on vacation for a week or so and when I come back the entire property would be mysteriously raped of all it's assets.

Jesus. All I want is peace and quiet, not a bunch of Goddamn drama.

 

Not really wanting to be preachy or condescending in any way but having to be me; I have to say.

This is a serious, life altering situation.
Stop drinking.
Get focused.
Find out exactly where you stand legally, and start actively working legally to protect your life.

 

Seriously, dude. Cut the shit and lawyer up.

 

I loved that movie too.

edit: Thanks Durbanite for this awesome suggestion.

 

I don't really think I can list many instances when the police sided with a drunken ex-con over his ex girlfriend and her mother. No matter how bad they are, sober up, lawyer up and focus, or your weekend drunk thread is most likely going to consist of prison moonshine.

I don't think you need to worry what Dcc001 said if you chase them off your land with a loaded gun (drunk) I doubt they will do to much diggin.

Good luck and maybe take a little break, stick with coors light or pabst blue ribbon.

 

I'm a bit smarter then y'all are giving me credit for. I never said a damn thing about what I may do, just what has happened.

I ran a network for a major corporation for years and Ihave a pretty damn good idea about how much information to share.

If, and this is a really big IF, my step mother and her daughter trace all my posts back to me what good is it going to them? "Your honor, we can clearly show that he posted on the internet that he was upset." Oh God! Alert the newspapers! Toytoy posted something on the internet and he's mad. They already know I'm pissed off.

I'm not quite the continually drunk hillbilly you seem to think I might be. If I were I would of been dead years ago from an accidental gun shot wound.

 

Thursday and Friday were so incredibly long that I needed an entire day to sleep off what I did too myself. I'm afraid of looking at my mac account considering I spent at least twenty hours at "The Winners Circle" by my house.

Also evidently taking a vicodin while drinking turns you into a super hero drinker, able to do large shots with out slowing down. Car bombs, with whiskey and water chasers made for interesting evenings.

God, the waitress's were so young and HOT!!! Why do I have to be married??? I flirted with them the only way old creepy married guys can anymore, I tipped them real well. Then I gave them a pat on the bottom a wink and said how about West Virginia?? Huh??


i made up that last part, i just signed and smiled like a dork.

 

You wrote "ya'll" in your post, not sure if we are lacking in credit here.