Weekend Drunk Thread, 6/14

The best part about having a dead father is not worrying about what to buy him. I have saved so much money over the years. Luckily, as a kid, mom would just get him a mug that said "#1 Dad" and a carton of Benson & Hedges. That'd be fine for him.

You should just get your dad an Asian masseuse. You're never too old, or too young, for one of those.

Or maybe a gravestone so he doesn't have to worry about that later in life. Like my gramps did for my parents as a gift. Which is unbelievably awesome. I'll have to ask if he wrapped up the boneyard deed, or put it in an decorated envelope.

 

My bio daddy didn't want to be part of my life, therefore he misses out on any Father's Day gifts from me. Which works, because both of my boys and Mr.P's b-days are in the next two weeks and I'm broke just thinking about it.

 

I'll pass that little tidbit along to my sons.

To the best of my knowledge the hot pink pinch pot my daughter gave yesterday will be the extent of my Father's Day gifts.

 

She also has really mid proportionately thin legs and a boxy torso. Splitting hairs, sure. But she 's really oddly shape to be called basically the hottest chick in the game right now. Oh, and she has baby teeth.

 

I was thinking the same thing, or maybe pinch = punch?

 

The best part is you probably have to thank her for it and praise her endlessly for such a shitty gift and you probably don't get thanked once for paying the mortgage.

 

My dad started focusing more on having fun after he was diagnosed with prostate cancer earlier this year. He already takes care of himself, but he was working, working in the yard, reading far right wing nonfiction docu-dramas, and not going fishing or hunting. After the diagnoses and treatment, he and mom have been fishing pretty much every weekend and he has turned off talk radio, a blessing for all involved.

So, I bought him an unabridged World War Z audiobook. He's on the road a bunch, so I hope it sticks, because the abridged version was awesome. I'm thinking the unabridged should be better.

But, I send him magazines (bullet clips), ammo, and other random shit throughout the year. It's easier than trying to make some grand gesture on Christmas or his birthday.

 

Did you guys know that there are actual states that let you buy alcohol at retail stores??? Ohio is one of them, Pennsylvania is not. I took advantage of that shopping today and bought some kind of Margarita in a can which I can tell just by the packaging will be awesome.

We are going out tomorrow but will probably pregame at the hotel beforehand. Jwags recommended some places to eat here (thanks!) and we went to the bagel place and plan on going to the bar next to it tomorrow night. Old farts taking over the college bars. They are going to love us!

Yes I do know that some states allow that. I just didn't know Ohio did.

 

Mrs. Noland is still, after all these years, amazed at my ability to turn even the most innocent things dirty. You all, however, took a handmade gift from a five year old girl and made it dirty.

I am impressed.

 

Global Internet Porn Habits

 

By extension then, 'wildered, your ass looks nicer than hers.

I think you know where I am going with this.

 

Anybody feel like crying?

Spoiler

I'm fucking serious. I blubbered like a baby. You're bringing this on yourself.

Spoiler

 

We got a phone call from another pharmacy today. The gist of it was: this guy stopped by, he only gave his health number, told us to call you and ask for me, specifically. I would, apparently, know what to do.

Ladies and gentlemen, I did not know what to do.

 

This sounds like the worst fucking experience ever. I'm pretty sure I would've just had a heart attack.

 

Holy crap. That would be horrible.

 

Old men who work as clowns on the weekends.