I'm definitely no good at plumbing*, and on a good day I weigh a menacing 155 pounds. I have a (thankfully) meagre amount of hair on my chest and none on my back or shoulders, no moustache, don't beat my wife, am not in the mafia, don't-a speak-a like this, and don't say "how ya doin'", and speak pretty meagre Italian. I am useless as an Italian. *insert "laying pipe" joke here
A Chinese guy is sitting on a bar stool having a beer. Guy comes in, sits next to him and orders a drink. Then he hauls off and belts the Chinaman right off the bar stool. The Chinese guy stands up and asks "What the fuck?" "That was for Pearl Harbor." "But it was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbor!" "Japanese, Chinese, it's all the same." The Chinaman sits back on his stool, takes a swig of beer and...BAM! He knocks the other guy off his barstool. The guy looks confused and asks "What the fuck was that for?" "The Titanic" answers the Chinaman. "An iceberg sank the Titanic, I'm fucking Jewish you idiot." "Iceberg, Goldberg, it's all the same."
But I know you wear blue overalls, white gloves and a hat with you first initial on it. You don't need to shoot your enemies when you can defeat them by jumping on their heads.
We had an Indian dude call for my co-worker today since she took out a payday loan and he was threatening her about having the police come to arrest her at work if she didn't pay it back right away. She decided she was too stressed to deal with it and left, because it's not like she needed the money or anything. He called back later and asked for her and when I told him she left he got indignant wanting to know when because he just talked to her. I said I didn't know as I wasn't her keeper. He flipped and asked to talk to our manager. I said sure, then hung up on him. He called back and said he was going to send the police to our store. For what, not having an employee he was looking for at work? I think he called back around 2 or 3 more times to harass us. So on my trip this weekend I went the yoga pant route figuring I'd be really comfortable on the drive, and even though I've had a pair before I really only wore them around the house about 3 times before my daughter confiscated them. So not really much experience with them. Seriously, ladies, how do you not worry about camel toe? I don't think I've ever stared at my crotch so much in my life. Am I doing it wrong? And apparently this is a thing in China: Spoiler They are stockings for girls to keep pervs away when they go out at night. Yes, stockings.
The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
No, no, it's Chinese American, you racist shit stain. How would you like to be called European American? Exactly. Them's fightin' words.
A few years ago I posted some video links to an amazing young guitar player named Desiree Bassett. Today, I came across the CD's I bought from her and wondered what had become of her. It turns out she's now 19 and playing guitar on Michael Jackson THE IMMORTAL World Tour show by Cirque du Soleil. Awesome, she's doing something with her talent. Then I saw a picture of her... WHAT. THE. FUCK. I dressed funny when I was doing the music thing, but, oh dear God no. What the hell happened to her? It was enough to give an old man a heart attack. Thankfully, Gibson guitars posted a recent picture of her: Heart attack averted. Apparently she's not leading raiding parties on disrespectful settlers or rolling winos because they smell of tasty, tasty booze. I know I'm old, but if our booking agent suggested I dress like that I would've told him to go eat a bag of assholes. I wore leather pants, dangly earrings, eye liner, and a whole bottle of mousse in my hair every night but I've got my pride, goddamnit. I was a fucking artist. A very drunk and unreliable artist. Actually I'm very glad she's doing her thing and not following my lead, but sweet baby Jesus did that first picture scare me.
The costume could have fitted in with whatever show she was doing. Cirque du Soleil don't hold back on the costume front. I'm seeing the MJ one in late September. Saw the Beatles one in Vegas earlier this year which was pretty awesome.
I made a small batch of pasta dough as a test run for the ravioli I am making in a couple days. Holy shit. I actually like pasta now.
What sort of Godless heathen doesn't like pasta? I had a girlfriend complain that my chicken and dumplings tasted like I put biscuits in chicken soup. No shit, that's kind of exactly what dumplings are. Biscuits in soup. She made me her version of chicken and dumplings. She mixed egg and flour for dumplings and nothing else. They were like little rocks that worked their way through my digestive system in a not so delicate way. I realize that egg and flour are the basic ingredients for pasta, but for dumplings? Oh, hell no.
Where was she from? Duh, they are just simple chunks of doughy biscuits. I dunno, I am just not a pasta fan. It is boring and bland and meh. This stuff I tested was amazing. I really think the guys are going to like the ravioli on Thursday.
Cross post from cooking thread but might be more appropriate here: Does anyone have a good winter drink recipe they can recommend? I'm having a bunch of people, mostly women (sweet tooth? teeth? toothes?) over to mine before heading out for cocktails, and it's bitterly cold here. I'd like to serve something warm that will take the edge off life - I was thinking about mulled wine but have never tried it. I need something I can serve en mass to 20 odd people without too much prep time per drink. Anyone got any ideas? Personally I tend to drink warm cognac, but since basically none of them drink brown spirits, that's out.
Pennsylvania. Yankees have fucked up stomachs. No one who knows what chicken and dumplings tastes like would stand for chicken and rocks of egg and flour.