I genuinely can't imagine anyone slapping themselves on the forehead and proclaiming "poutine pizza! Of course! That is perfect!" I can't even imagine anyone looking at that picture and saying "I'd eat that," unless it was on a bet. On an unrelated note, I've been informed that I am going to Six Flags with my in-laws in a couple of weeks. This is like going to an orgy with nothing but fat, toothless grannies and ugly hairy dudes. Ruining a fun activity because the people you're with are kind of awful.
Onions. Why does my crotch smell like onions? I don't remember eating onions. Did I sit on an onion? Onions.
They judge us all the time, eh. Besides, those fuckers are responsible for Justin Bieber and Bryan Adams. That's right, Crown. I'm holding you personally responsible for Justin Bieber. A true Canadian patriot would bludgeon him to death with a pillowcase full of LeBatt cans.
No, you fuckers are responsible for Justin Bieber becoming an international sensation. Unless you really think that people around the world really care that much about what goes on in Canada, I'm pretty sure those were U.S. record labels. Also; if you have to stop and pause and wonder if the joke is on you or not, then by definition, the joke is on you. Sorry.
Besides poutine, things that do not belong on a pizza: Baked Ziti. It's a thing. It's a fucking thing. There is something wrong with this country. Not even trying to be funny. If you want to die, there are more fun, more delicious ways to do it. We must be a country of internal self loathers because this death we have prescribed for ourselves will be slow, laborious, and our children will be cleaning our morbidly obese poopie diapers by the time we're middle aged. God has left us. The collective death shit will be black and epic. I once noticed, after a couple days without showering, my balls took on the aroma of a fresh cooked breakfast. It was undeniably pleasant. Apparently when I cure in my own filth I am delicious.
You're right. We didn't wipe Canada out when we had the chance, so everything bad that comes from Canada is our fault for letting you exist. 'Murica!!!
Fuck that, you can judge that garbage until your balls fall off. LOOK AT IT. It's corn syrup compost. Not to mention that's the advertisement photo, meaning they went through great pains to make it look as appetizing as possible. When that shit hits your plate it will look like it was scraped from the bottom of boots used on the killing floor. Lots of people like poutine up here. I am not one of them. My wife likes it. To each their own, because I witnessed lots of people in Amsterdam like this variation on French fries where they come in a large orange cardboard cone and they bukkake the entire deal with a quarter pound of mayonnaise and mustard. It's revolting, but to me and not them. They line up by the dozens and DOZENS for that crap.
Fixed that for you. Furthermore, I know you guys are just ripping on Bieber because last week's thread ripping on Florida has gotten your self-esteem down. It's okay. But rather than trying to put others down to make yourself feel better, why don't you try something positive with yourselves? Go ahead, get that makeover you've been mulling over the last few months. Spend a few of those "daddy needs an after-work drink" dollars on a weekend away and some new clothes. You'll come back feeling brand new, and it'll be at least another week before you hear about Florida in the media again.
Oh now you boys, enough with al this manly stand-offishness. Now who wants to buy shoes? Can't defend against the shitty music that gets popular on a worldly basis from my country. My keep our good shit to ourselves. However, we DID give the world medicated insulin, the telephone, the Wonderbra, the zipper, the electron microscope, the electric wheelchair, basketball, the electric oven, the combine thresher, Plexiglas, the electronic synthesizer, Michael J. Fox, alkaline long-last batteries, the pacemaker, the paint roller, the Marine Screw Propeller, the walkie-talkie, the retractable beer carton handle, radio transmission, the Blackberry (hooray?), Standard time, the Robertson-headed screw and driver, the standard model lightbulb, instant replay, and if you like it... the Bloody Caesar to name a few. That should count for something on a résumé.
And keeping in spirit, the first thing you guys used that atomic energy for was to design a bomb that can etch a child's silouette into the sidewalk for infinity. 'Merica! I kid. You guys have beer in corner stores and endless shit to see down there. I can't wait to start taking my own family vacations throughout the States. My wife is going to have to blowgun a dart into my neck to stop me from hiking Angel's Landing because I know she'll go into conniptions when she sees a photo of it.
Yea, Angels Landing will put hair on your chest. Just don't tell your wife you plan to do it, and when you get there do it and deal with the consequences after. It'll be so worth it.
Hey the Japs were asking for it. Anyone have any good whiskey-related recipes? Aside from the usually Manhattan, etc crap.