America fuck yeahhhhhhhh! I've been working on a presentation all afternoon and eating almonds. Most commie bastard 4th ever! Think it's time to stop, eat something that's actually a meal and watch Independence Day or some such blockbuster guilty pleasure nonsense.
Being temporarily unemployed (see: relocation leave) and because I'm waiting in a hotel room for my shit to arrive from the movers, I'm watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Will Smith seems like the progenitor of the modern-day pick-up artist. What with all the bad pick-up lines and shit.
Communist Fourth: reading Chomsky and Marx, and eating borscht. Daughter sell body to feed chicld, but child die anyway. But borscht. Dah, is good holiday. You may have a point. Hammer pants is the pinnacle of peacocking.
Blue raspburry, BLING BLING, MOTHUH FUCKAH! This shit ain't cheap anymore. $5 bucks for a pint of instant hangover, might as well fork over the extra $2 for a 12 of Natty or Beast. For slightly less of a hangover. At least you won't shit blue for a week. Went to a bum wine party some years ago. Ended up topless screaming at cars. Lost my shoes somewhere. Owner of the house couldn't find them so the popular belief was that I just threw them as hard as possible into a neighbor's yard. That shit is no good.
My grandfather, a Presbyterian minister, used to drink that stuff. He claimed it calmed his stomach. I think he may have been a closet alcoholic.
Ribs and beer. 'Murica! Later tonight I'll sit on my back deck and watch all the houses around us set off their fireworks. Why spend money when everyone in my neighborhood spends at least a few hundred themselves, and we have no trees (very new neighborhood) to obscure my view. I shall do this while shitfaced, because my inlaws will be here, and because fireworks are just not that impressive to a dude that is (mostly) color blind.
Holy shit. I just have to share this, I still have my car for sale on Craigslist and just received two separate e-mails regarding it:
I don't understand why there are constantly gnats in this apartment and why my roommates don't believe in air conditioning. Their air conditioning is opening the porch door 6 inches. I was confronted bc I turned the ac on (set the thermostat to 75). Apparently the bill was higher than normal. I'm sorry. When I woke up 3 nights in a row drenched in sweat I thought that maybe I could turn the air on to avoid punching someone in the ovaries. I live with a girl and guy, and I'm certain that they both have ovaries. Ok, obviously I get the gnat part. But, I shut the door whenever I'm here.
I see what you're trying to do here, but I'm a bit confused as to why you think that implying I'm sleeping with a man is insulting or even a particularly clever thing to say.