The bridesmaid is expressing what everyone is thinking. The groom looks like an unfortunate narcoleptic, and that *is* probably his best formal wear. Even the poor priest looks uncomfortable. I feel the worst about the bride. She's got a lovely dress, a lovely bouquet, and while she looks like 300 pounds of canned smeat, she is wasting all of that on a man who won't even get out of his fucking hick camo for an hour. "Dis here is a real Amurikan, honey. Dis is how I dress and look and I don't want to put on no fruity soot." You know they had that conversation. But she went along with it, because that's the best she's ever going to do. After he tries to get his dick through the fatty folds of her vulva, she's going to have herself a good cry in the bathroom of the Motel 6 they chose for the honeymoon. With a little luck he won't beat her in between pregnancies. I'm sad now. You made me sad. I'm getting a drink.
My guess is that "Wedding Limo" was an ATV with empty Old Milwaukee cans tied to it. Motel 6? Probably not. His favorite fishin' hole and a tent. "Honey the fish is bitin' got damn it" SPIT "We don't need no fancy indoor plumbin' and drapes." SPIT " 'sides that I spent the hotel money on beer and a new rod. I already wore this fruity pink flower just to make you shut the hell up."
I'm fairly certain that dude (or his dad) has a warehouse of money with his own face printed on it, and "that is the only money that'll be worth a damn once the revolution comes!"
My minister (years ago) had a trunk of Confederate money because he was certain the south would rise again. Despicable human turd. Then dipshit transplants like my mom see the old world antebellum homes and dresses, and the sometimes endearing accent, their veins gummed up with sawmill gravy, and they think "Aww, this is so pleasant, maybe that age old silly war was all such a misunderstanding."
Years ago when I was doing glass work, I had a work order for a broken window in an apartment. I fixed the window and started cleaning up the broken glass. The tenant interrupted me and asked what I was going to do with the broken glass. Uhhh...throw it away? He told me to leave it because he wanted it. Broken glass. He then went on to inform my ignorant ass that "When the troubles come, this stuff is going to be priceless." As I was leaving he was carefully placing the chards of broken glass in a shoe box as his hedge against Armageddon. I didn't have the heart to tell him that if Armageddon did indeed happen, there was no way in hell he was going to build a fire hot enough to return that glass to a pure liquid state.
For that to occur, you have to be able to tell if she's pregnant or not. Has about as much happiness to it as an Asian Parent Business Wedding.
Since we're sharing. My minister many years ago kept a trunk of Confederate money because the south would rise again. No conflict of interests there, Jethro. That picture is still bothering me. Everything about it is wrong.
Since I am asking a person from the South, how exactly do these people think the south rise again? On stacks of empties? And what would happen if it succeeded? Could bib overalls and Skoal soon be all the rage? Mandatory grits breakfasts? Perhaps a fetus on the $1 bill!
I'm no expert, but I think the reasoning is that if society completely collapses folks with the ability to trap, kill, clean their own food will hold a distinct advantage over folks that complain if the power goes out for a couple of hours or that the store is out of crackers. That, and big, jacked up 4 wheel drives can go places a BMW can't. Of course, this scenario is entirely dependent on a complete collapse of society and infrastructure as we know it. But it gives rednecks hope that this may feasibly happen. If it does, y'all are fucked because 4 wheel drives and superior fire power.
20 years from now I'm gonna be asking 4 more people to help me lift Jethro (the groomsman) from sit to stand at the edge of his bed after a pannectomy. Just kidding. I'm not gonna be doing that shit 20 years from now.
Do these rednecks think they'll lay claim and self-teach themselves to use the shitloads and shitloads of bunker busters, smart bombs, tomahawk cruisers, Stingers, MOABs, and other assorted death-dealing Fuck You weapons that can cook people alive inside their bedrooms and would be readily available all over your collapsed nation? I think at the thought of anarchy the Air Force pilots of your World's Biggest Badass Motherfucking Air Force would have the nation by the balls if they so saw fit. I don't think a machine gun and a few grenades can stand up to a payload that can vapourize Atlanta in an instant.
Fixed that. Sigh. Reading is fundamental. Complete collapse of society and infrastructure would mean the military would no longer exist. All that advanced military hardware needs support crews, without support crews it's just shiny, expensive trinkets and as useful as a plastic fork. All the military hardware in the world without proper support is no match for a drunk hillbilly.
You do know that some of us hillbillies/rednecks have rifles that can hit a man sized target at 1,000 yards, right? You can't drop bombs without pilots. Just sayin'. I know I can hit "minute of deer" out to 500 yards easily.
Hillbillies can keep making their own booze, real zippity-doo-da shit too. With that and their skills with musketry they will have it made. I want to see how well I would do with suburban guerrilla warfare in these parts. It will be all blunt force trauma. I have two bats, a lead pipe, some hockey sticks, a lovely set of Cuisinart kitchen knives and a tube sock filled with wood screws. I will fashion couch cushion armour. My thieving neighbour dies first, I get him with the upright lawn mower, Dead Alive-style. Fuck that fucking fuck.
Please, it isn't just the Southerners that could hold their own. Anyways I have one less Facebook friend after tonight.