Weekend Drunk Thread, 6/7

The last wedding my wife and I went to, she was in the bridal party and when she left her bobby pins from her hair in the arm rest of the car, there was more metal than in my grandmother's hip.

Aside from stirring hash oil I personally have no use for the things but they are always around because of the occasional bridesmaid hair-do.

 

They don't "forget".

If I'm planning on seeing a girl again I'll hang on to them (met a girl last year at a wedding near where I live, she lives in Boston but immediately made plans to come back down to NC a few weeks later so I had her bra in the trunk of my Corvette for 2-3 weeks, CLASSY), otherwise to the trash they go.

I had another girl last year leave a pair of decently nice earrings at my place, a few days later she went to Panama for 2 weeks to visit family and I never heard from her again. Tried calling her after she would've gotten back (I had actually met the aforementioned wedding girl in the interim so I was legitimately just trying to return her earrings) and phone was shut off. Don't know if she stayed in Panama or if she got a new number and lost mine (we weren't Facebook friends and neither one of us knows the other's last name, so she wouldn't have had any other way of finding me) or what. Kinda felt bad about that one, but what are you gonna do?

 

Here's a cute thing that was said this morning. I was getting ready to walk out the door and the 8 year old asks me if I'm going to work. I tell him I am and he asks: "Jeez, Dad, don't you ever get a break?"

Yes, son, when my heart stops beating. (That part I didn't say out loud.)

 

So my folks are coming in town this weekend and are staying at my granfas lake house. Due to the mild weather we've had this season the lake is going to be cold as hell. I don't particularly care, but the kids are going to be insufferable.

But weekends with my family are usually good for poker and booze. And the aunt who fucked both my father and step father is usually the biggest causer of drama and she probably won't show because she doesn't like my dad. So this could be a clusterfuck free family gathering.

 

So thanks to the storm yesterday, I am stuck without power today. Who knows when it will come back. For some dumbass reason, my block is out, while just one block over, where my parents live, they never even lost power. Fuck.

Even my in-laws who live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere have power. What the fuck?

Last time this happened we were without power for 4 days, because fuck our neighborhood, apparently. Now my wife is on my ass to buy a generator again.

I'm gonna go call the power company and, in a kind manner, start screaming like an asshole.

 

Nope its my moms sister.

 

This is probably better suited for the Music Thread, but the WDT gets the limelight when it's open, so here we are. As a long time hip hop fan, I've noticed an industry trend and now have a question for the hip hop aficionados of the board:

Why are rap albums structured in such a way that the first half of the album is typically fast paced, street/trap style tracks and singles, and the second half is mostly slow, soft, lovey-dovey rap ballads for the ladies? Although the latter doesn't appeal to me, I see where it has a place, so I'm not troubled by the quantity of those songs, but the way they're laid out on the album. It's like two distinctly different albums. Why not blend the track listing so that it isn't so rigidly divided? Is this a traditional thing dating back to mixtapes on actual tapes? Or are they just frontloading their albums with their mass appeal tracks for the increased exposure?

Offending albums include Game's R.E.D. Album, T.I.'s Trouble Man and No Mercy, Jay-Z's Kingdom Come, Fabolous' Loso's Way.

 

I am in a 2 hour training session on how to use an address book, taught by a dude with too much spray tan and an obsession with the use of the words OK and A'right.

 

Is driving by her house at 3 am wearing her high school cheerleading outfit you stole from her while crying considered weird? Because I have this friend who has second thoughts on doing this.

By the way, do women ever leave undies behind on purpose if they think the guy is in a relationship? Then he has to pull the ol' "damage control" by convincing his girlfriend that the bra must have accidentally fallen into the mattress at the mattress factory.

 

To keep people listening to the album. You don't make the singles the first track, but within the first 8 or so so that people don't get bored and never listen to it again.

 

I agree, but if the rap ballads and singy-songy tunes drop off that much, why not cut that material from the album then? Surely some of those tracks have value too, or presumably they wouldn't have made the final cut, so why not pepper those in throughout?

It does simplify my listening experience though, since I can listen to tracks 1-9 and move on.

 

Any other guy get a random urge just to compliment a girl on some amazing feature she was out of nowhere? I feel really really weird about it, but there is this girl in my building who has like the perfect legs. And I know this because every time I've seen her she's wearing the shortest possible shorts. I just want to be like "Hey, you have great legs" and not go any further than that since I can't act on any of it. It is just this weird thought I have, especially since I keep getting caught in elevators with her.

 

Just whip out your dick and stun her with it's magnificence and then compliment her and be on your way.

 

I'm trying to minimize awkwardness. I was just wondering if there was a way to pull it off. I've done it out at bars and clubs because obviously the girl has put a lot of effort into her presentation. It's an easier setting to walk by and say "Just so you know, you're killing it tonight" and keep walking. Can't do that with a girl in my building.

 

The correct maneuver is to start wildly applauding. If she looks and you, smile slowly and nod. She'll know

 

You are not the only one. I've had to stop myself a couple times recently. Very tall, fit girls are coming in the store and I have to remind myself not to stare. Or drool. Just striking looking. Makes me want to write verse about their legs. I also can't say one goddamn thing. "Hey, your manager just said my legs go all the way up." Which is terrible. They put in all that effort on those getaway sticks and I can't even give a stupid smirk/nod. Travesty, I says.

I think you can pull off saying "You're killing it today, lady." So long as you don't breath heavily and keep your hands out of your pants. It will be tough.

 

Its actually my apartment building.

 

I like how you're concerned that this could be weird and rare as if catcalling isn't a thing.