Celebrating my 40 year old brother's bday at the lake tomorrow. He's single, so the idea is to get him blackout drunk early and keep him there throughout the day. Accordingly, I made him a 5 ft tall beer bong with 1 in braided tubing and a brass valve to control the flow (if I'm gonna make something I want it to look cool). My wife thinks I'm having a midlife crisis.
I mean, I'm a cheap date. But there's something to be said for being (not) able to have a beer in a completely relaxed manner, as opposed to chugging it down anxiously like the poison I know it is. I can oddly drink more tequila than beer or wine. If someone can explain this to me, I'd find it interesting. I think I am, what they call "white girl wasted". I'm home sipping a raspberry ginger ale and waiting for death.
This is actually a good thing because I can do this: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3urqam/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3urqam/</a>
Once again I forewent going out in favor of staying in and watching the WCS Finals. My problem now is that one of the people that I was supposed to go out with wants to come over after the bar, but the match I really want to see is the last one (Innovation vs Alive) plus I'm thinking this particular young lady is going to show up drunk and might just pass out (or worse, start something sloppily and then pass out). So for now I'm ignoring the text and happily watching the stream while eating ice cream.
Man, I'm on a really good stretch of luck. It's very nice and much appreciated. Things are going well. Except for the booby thread, but that's another bitch for another time.
Girlfriend just found out her best friends husband has been posting gay sex ads on Craigslist. And they just had a baby and bought a new house. I wish words could describe the look on her face when I asked, "So does that mean you're not in the mood?"
Did I seriously just have a sex dream about Robin Thicke? Fuck, I'm never watching YouTube before bed again. I haven't had a "celebrity" sex dream since I was a teenager. Ugh, I'm such a sucker for blue eyes.
See, I saw this too late. Poor Crazy Asian was maybe drunk enough last night to help with the booby thread. Another missed opportunity! At a minimum, maybe Tx will show us that new backless dress in the bikini thread? Don't give up on the dream, men!
Well played, sir. In depressing news, one of my favorite low-key night bars stopped serving poutine. I have to give you Nucks credit, that shit is about as good as drunk food gets. Fortunately, the place still makes killer pierogi.
Improper. There you are. I barely noticed you without bags of TX's garbage opened in front of you. Do you own a small roadside motel with your mother? I have a couple questions. Is it considered good form to punch a prostitute in the stomach before or after coitus? And does it cost extra to have her spit in your mouth?
I was trying to ignore how creepy that post was, and there you go calling attention to it. Yikes. *Edit - pulling a Nitwit for distraction. If you haven't seen this yet, it's the weirdest, most engrossing music video I have ever watched: Spoiler
Fuck Michigan and not being able to buy beer until 7am, that shit really sucks when you want to go for a boat ride at 6 am and you have no more beer
When did beards become hipsterish? I've been told for the second time mine makes me look a little bit like a hipster. What the fuck. I hate hipsters. I'm not fashionable and I don't really care about being cool. I have a beard because I'm lazy. I hate shaving. I hate shaving everyday, its a pain and its expensive. I may just have to suck it up and just shave. I will not look like a god dammed hipster.