This is what I was going to suggest, the dollar bill method. How I learned and after a few times I didn't need the bill anymore. I didn't fold the bill though, just filled and rolled.
I don't understand your joint problems, my ex nurse has no problem rolling one. Er... not that I would know.
Last weekend in Idaho before I begin my s-l-o-w trip back to Mississippi. It's 41 degees and pouring rain...we got 7" of snow in the mountains a few days ago and I'm sure more is falling today. Tuesday I head to Vegas for a few month stay, which should be interesting...they have laws against my shennanigans in big cities. I'll stay there until I completely lose my mind and have to shoot something. (On that basis, I may only be there a few hours. I truly detest big cities and Las Vegas especially so after living there for about 15 years.) I have a lot of friends there that have been begging me to come stay there for a while, so I decided to grace them with my presence before I do something silly like die again. Keep an eye on the news...you never know what may happen when I'm subjected to constant stupidity, rudeness, and...well...humanity in general.
Nom you're having a problem because you're trying to roll a j. Fuck that noise. The best rolled j will still smoke like shit and make you wish you rolled a blunt instead. Learn to roll blunts. They're sturdier and smoke much better. There are three basic styles you'll have to master: slitting a Philly/ White Owl, unwrapping a Dutch, and rolling a wrap. Slap anyone that hands you one of those shitty little cigarrillos in the face. 1) The slit: this is for any blunt with an outer leaf that isn't a Dutch. What this means in most cases is that the outer leaf isn't sturdy enough to be handled on its own, so rather than try to unwrap it you'll keep it all as one piece. Cut the bottom of the cigar off, bout the last 1/2"-1" depending on the size blunt you want. Lick the rest of the blunt to moisten it enough to keep it from cracking when you open it. Slit the remainder down the length and dump the guts out. Now comes the delicate part. You want to gently lick the edges of what you're left with on the inside and outside to keep the outer leaf in place. Doing this wrong moves the leaf around and means you'll have to fuck with it once you've got it rolled, which is annoying and kind of defeats the purpose of slitting it in the first place. You will probably fuck this up a few times, so don't worry. Once you've got things in place, dump in your weed. I prefer to have it ground up and ready to go before I fuck with the blunt so that I can just drop it in when I'm ready- saves having to worry about the blunt drying out and whatnot. Leave yourself a little space at either end of the blunt- don't pack the weed all the way to the end. Now you're going to roll the blunt. Pretend you're Goldilocks- not too tight and not too loose, but right in the middle. Roll the blunt by grasping it in the middle and rolling it over the weed. You'll probably make 2-3 full revolutions. You want it to be firm on the first one but gradually ease up on the pressure with each successive one. Essentially what you're doing is making sure the blunt is packed well enough to smoke smoothly but not so tight as to be impossible to pull. Once you've got it rolled you're going to seal the middle first, to keep it together, and then the non-mouthpiece end. Since you left a little room at the end twist it like you would a j- this gives you something to hold onto while you finish it and prevents any from falling out if you've gotta travel with it at all. For the mouthpiece you want to taper it off a bit, both so you don't pull anything through and to make it a bit sturdier. Picture the way a sharpened pencil tapers off at the end. To do this you're going to tilt the blunt a little- when you were rolling the first parts it should have been perfectly horizontal, but now you're going to angle it up slightly so that when you roll the mouthpiece it ends up slimmer than the rest of the blunt. This will probably take you a few times to get- it's a step that most skip over and I'm having a hard time describing it correctly, so don't worry. Now you have a blunt! As long as you got the seal right it will smoke, and by watching how it smokes you will see what areas you need to improve on in the future. 2) Dutches- a good green leaf honey Dutch is a beautiful thing. Start by cutting the end off like you did with the Philly. Moisten it the same way you would the Philly. Instead of slitting it next you're going to unwrap the leaf. Find the edge of the leaf where you cut the Dutch and unravel it. Gently lick the leaf enough to lay it flat, particularly at the ends. Occasionally there are large veins in the leaf that prevent it from laying completely flat. Be mindful of those because you can easily tear the leaf trying to lay it flat if that's the case. Now you've got the brown inner piece. Find the seam on it and slit it open there, along the length. Now you're going to follow the rolling method I outlined above, still paying special attention to the mouth piece. It is not as important to get a perfect seal on this step as long as the mouth piece is done well. Lay the proto-blunt on the leaf like this: when the leaf is laid out it will resemble a rhombus. If you unwrapped it correctly the low point will be on the bottom left and the high point will be on the upper right. Put the proto-blunt at the bottom, along the diagonal started by the low point, and roll the leaf around it so that the leaf ends up leaving 1/4"-1/2" of brown exposed at the mouthpiece end. Dutches smoke slower than other blunts because of the leaf, so you want to take extra care to not roll these too tight. The trick here is to make the initial revolution with the leaf firm enough to give the blunt structure, but to ease up slightly with each successive revolution. Most people fuck up here and end up with tight pencil-looking Dutches that don't smoke well. Don't be that guy. You want something that is fatter at the business end with a gently tapered mouthpiece. 3) Wraps- look for a brand called Royal Blunt. They've definitely got them in New York, though not in every bodega. Wet Mango is my favorite- tastes great and it's the most consistently perfect. Some other flavors are too dry or too moist and can occasionally tear coming off the tube. I forget the name of this kind, but avoid ones that come 2 at once in a kind of silvery pouch. They're cheap, but it's for a reason. The part you're supposed to seal has weird edges, like someone cut it with those fabric scissors that leave a zig-zag, and thus makes it a bitch to roll correctly. Once you've got your wrap off the tube you're going to moisten it and lay it flat. One long edge will look similar to the gummed edge of a joint paper- you're going to roll it in that direction so you can seal it on that edge. Dump your weed in, line it up, and roll the wrap using the method I outlined in the Philly section. Make sure you get a good seal, because you have no leaf to cover up mistakes, and make sure you taper the mouthpiece, because wraps are flimsier than the other two options. Now you've got a blunt! Once you've got your blunt you still need to dry it out a little before you smoke it. With Phillies and Dutches the best way is to microwave them for roughly 8 seconds. Give them 30 seconds or so once they're done and your blunt is as crispy and firm as when you took it out of the wrapper. Keep your eye on Dutches with big veins. Every so often they will fry a little. I think it has to do with some combination of moisture, vein placement, and how tight you wrap the Dutch, but it's random. Take the Dutch out immediately if this happens. Sometimes you may need to wipe off the mouthpiece after you take it out of the microwave- moisture will occasionally collect there and if you don't wipe it off quickly it leaves the mouthpiece soggy. With wraps you're going to want to dry it with a lighter. In my experience, microwaving wraps will cause them to bubble along the seal and then dry too quickly to repair, thus giving you a leaky blunt. Grip the wrap at the twisted end and run the flame below the blunt, rotating as you do this. Your goal is to end up with a mouthpiece that's firm and dry. You also have the option of letting your blunt air dry. This is the best option if you have the time to spare. You can speed it up a little by laying it on a window sill that gets sun, or somewhere similar, but barring this it takes 20-30 minutes to dry. My recommendation is to start with Dutches. They look intimidating at first but they are also the most forgiving to beginners. The outer leaf will compensate for any mistakes you make rolling the center and will also ensure that it smokes smoothly and evenly as long as you don't roll it too tight. Get the mouthpiece right on a Dutch and the rest is gravy. Once you get the hang of those you can move on to wraps. Wraps are cheaper, quicker, and less messy, making them the best choice for rolling on the go. Phillies and the like should only be chosen if there's nothing else available. Don't get discouraged if your first attempts look like shit- they will. Practice makes perfect in this case. Rolling a good blunt is mostly about feel once you get the basics down, and the only way to get better at it is to do it over and over. Feel free to ask questions if any of this is unclear or confusing.
I just got back from the market and I bought Gillette T3 safety razor. I think it's time to re-visit the ole shaving thread.
And this is why I do not mess with drugs. People need to put far to much effort into getting high. Nom this is how to properly roll a joint: Get a bottle of beer. Open said bottle. Drink the contents. Repeat until you know longer care about rolling a joint.
"My self esteem gets a little lower every time you take a while to find my dick" Me to my cousin as he awkwardly digs around in my boxers while helping me pee.
This short vacation is sweet. My ex stepfather in-law (there's a card at Hallmark for it) is staying with us from England and he's assured our fridge is overflowing with beer every night. I have this sneaky suspiscion that old Englishmen like to drink. As in: double-sized glass of Merlot in one hand, pint of Keith's in the other. He can pass out sitting in the most upright position in chiar you should not pass out in. Skillz.
If pot smokers put as much effort into curing cancer that they do in finding new and creative ways to get high the whole world would be fucking set. Also, there is always the apple trick. That feels a little less trashy than the can thing.
They have put in the effort. It's called 'medicinal marijuana (which is a fucking joke - plenty of other better painkillers - and I'm pro-decriminalization of all drugs).' The theory, I guess, is that you're high, so you don't give a fuck about the cancer. Not exactly a cure, but I'm sure helpful on easing you on your way out.
A 50-something couple pulled up next to me at a stoplight and started laughing (probably at me instead of with me), while my stereo BLASTED this song and I sang along with far too much enthusiasm. Haters.
I grilled up some lobster tails and steak that I have been marinating for three days. It was delicious!