Weekly Inebriation Discussions 7/27/12

I am pretty excited for tonight because today is our supervisorish person's last day of work and I'm throwing her going-away party at my apartment. I'm assuming that a "when sex health educators go wild" party is only going to be all sorts of weird and awesome. I just know that she's bringing a lot of weed, and I have a lot of alcohol, and at some point there's going to be a dramatic reading of the document of the most bizarre chats of all time that she's been collecting over the past two years.

Also, at work the big bosses are giving us cake. CAKE.

 

I'm going tomorrow with about 15 people.

Spearhead Brewery is supposed to have two new beers on tap. Pretty excited about this.

And... of course... about beer-floats.

 

Men: never let your woman start watching Gilmore Girls. Trust me. If I hear any more fast talking my head will explode.

 

What the fuck is it with Europeans and pretending that they aren't roasting alive in long pants? No wonder they die like flies when there is a heat wave. They won't lose the fucking turtle necks.

 

If this ends in a giant orgy, I'm telling John Boehner.

 

My husband is too sick to drink tomorrow. I didn't think even a plague could keep him away from from Beerfest.

I'm probably the worst wife ever for not offering to stay home with him, and instead telling him I shouldn't have a problem selling his ticket.

 

Miss Monroe, can I get pregnant from a giant orgy?

 

Just work your evil magic as a penis nurse. Problem solved.

 

I propose a "most absurd question a high schooler can ask Miss. Monroe" thread.

"Miss Monroe, what are the benifits to the football team running train on me?"

 

I met a black person for the first time yesterday!

I can't fucking stand him. Now I need to meet more to make sure I'm not racist.

 

Um, this is going to require a little more explanation. Because unless you've lived in Siberia your whole life, you should've met a black guy by now.

 

I'd be surprised if someone came up with a question that we haven't gotten already, or at least in some form. For example, with that one, we haven't gotten that exact question, but on a related note I did have a pregnant 17 year old ask me if having sex with more than one person at a time would somehow harm her pregnancy. And someone who got pregnant during group sex and wanted us to figure out who the father was.

 

What about: "If he came in my ass, is there any way it could make it into my vagina...from the inside?"

 

Yes.

 

Tuesday night my bartender mixed cider with Guinness. It was way less gross than it should have been.

 

Bah! You don't mix it - you pour a half pint of cider, get yourself a spoon, pour the guinness SLOWLY over the back of the spoon onto the cider so it separates. Then you drink it, so it gets sweeter as you go. A beautiful and luscious Black Velvet.

 

I drank too many beers at lunch.

 

Going by your succinct answer, I'm going to guess that actually isn't a rare question.

That palm-shaped bruise on your forehead must be quite defined by now.