My thoughts on Kate Upton: "Thank fucking God." Usually followed by: "Jesus, titty fucking Christ, when are women going to stop listening to other women and gay men about what kind of girl is attractive and go ahead, and you know, get crazy and ask straight men what they actually like in women. You know, since we're the ones that bang them. Apparently, Kate Upton is the heaviest model ever to be on the SI cover. It's a start.
Prefaced by saying I would fuck her without any hesitation. Kate Upton is what 20? Lets see if this ideal of beauty holds up a few years from now. I can't be the only one who watched friends bodies rapidly decline in their late 20s, and I'm talking due to age. Just saying I think there is a reason why she's the exception and not the rule.
I saw a her new cover picture yesterday on another site. Some idiot commented that she was hot "but she kind of has a belly now." No, she doesn't. She's healthy, she's gorgeous, and if she ever succumbs to the idiocy that's blurted out online, I will lose faith in everything. The universe, gravity, everything. Looks are obviously subjective, but she's perfect as far as I'm concerned.
NOTHING wrong with her whatsoever, well except for the fact that she isn't trying to unzip my pants right now.
It's Mardi Gras. Who wants to give me some beads? You know the kind I'm talking about. Afternoon cocktail time while my stew simmers. I'm addicted to Old Fashioneds now. 1 sugar cube, douse it in 5 drops of Angostura Bitters, one splash of water. Muddle it into a syrup. Drop in a fat chunk of orange rind, squeezing out the essence and a drop of juice. 3 ice cubes. 2-3 ounces Rye. Stir. Kate Upton looks fun. Blackout, spilling out of your top "accidentally" kind of way. Why has no one got her on a mechanical bull yet? This stupid country.
Late 20s is not old. If the body starts folding into decrepitude at such a young age, outside factors beyond genetics must be considered. Things like...oh, y'know, yoyo dieting, poor nutrition, and binge drinking. edit: Seeing that pic, her breasts are amazing. I want to teach her to squat. often and heavy.
Decrepitude, no, but is it really unreasonably to suggest that from that point on, outside of suddenly losing weight or shitty haircuts, it's mostly downhill?
ehhhhh. I'd say it's not? Because there are SO MANY delicious 30-37 year olds. And one of the hottest men I know is 50 and a complete fucking machine silver fox. Obviously for vanity reasons, I'd say it's not downhill, I'm 33. Then again I have to say it is because many people, by that age, have stopped taking care of themselves or are desperate to hang onto youth.
They airbrushed the shit out of her for this issue. This isn't a "sharp knees, would not bang" sort of critique, but its not that she's fat, she has no real shape to her. Shimmered getting her to squat would be awesome and maybe give her some definition, an ass in general. This is untouched from that cold weather shoot... NSFW She's pretty, but give me Nina Agdal, the previous front runner, every day. NSFW Kate Upton is just a commentary lightning rod, cause people are like "GAHHH TITTIES IN MY FACE" but if anyone criticizes her, they get slammed for not liking "real women". There is no denying she's gotten "less in shape", and since she is still only 20, its not like you can present an age argument. And besides, she's one of the most famous models in the world, she has access to everything. Or even compare her to Bar Refaeli in her heyday, another model with plenty of curves who didn't look like she could go from curvy to sloppy in a month. Kate Upton is the hot girl in college who had great tits and bragged about never working out and having a great metabolism who later came back from a boozy summer break 15 lbs heavier and half as hot. Is this all a ridiculous conversation? Sure. But she's paid millions of dollars to look hot, so its not crazy to hold her to a different set of standards.
Your body rapidly declines in your 20's because you fucking let yourself go (aka "Lazy Who-Gives-A-Shits"). It's ridiculous to think anybody loses their shape/looks in their 20's because of nature alone. Mary-Louise Parker is almost 50 and is built and looks like a 25-year-old knockout. No plastic surgery. I rest my case. If you EVER run into somebody down there that says they miss the snow, crush their testicles between two 5-pin bowling balls. They won't be mad, they'll realize how wrong they are for saying something so stupid. I don't care if you live on Mercury: winter sucks, snow sucks, cold sucks. Aside form sports, winter has no redeeming qualities. Filthy, dirty, dangerous, freezing, bitter, shitty. To top it off it's clouded over with months of spirit-crushing overcast darkess. I miss winters like I miss having a car door slammed on my fingers.
Yea, she actually has a body, so nice. When she first came out, i never saw a picture of her, thought she was just another anorexic/stick thin. It wasn't till about a year later that I was like god dam, she is so fucking fine.
This right here. Holy fucking shit. I'm getting into arguments with my female friends letting them know that no fucking man on this planet thinks women look good in high waisted jeans/pants/skirts. If you have an ass, it makes it look droopy and unappealing. If they don't have an ass, it makes your back look a foot longer and terrible. I bring this up and they say shit like "But Kim K looks great in them!" Well she can make a paperbag look sexy, because she is nothing but sexy with nothing else, you can't bring her into this argument. But the gays and other women say "Oh mom jeans are back in! They control the midriff!" Gay men are taking vengeance on all of the straight men that has ever been a homophobe my convincing straight women to wear shit that does not appeal to the penis. Its absolutely ridiculous.
Kate Upton has to be one of the most overrated women I've ever seen. Is she hot? Yeah. Would I fuck her if given the chance? Hell yes. Is there anything special about her? Nope. She's a blonde with big tits and a poor to mediocre flat ass. That is all.
It really is a noodle-scratcher. Those jeans are an homage to lesbians, I just don't get it. I had no idea 1991 was so fondly remembered. On the flipside, whoever said it was A-OK for guys to wear shorts that are cut above the knee should be shot and pissed on. You are WRONG, sir. No man has ever looked less than ludicrous in above-the-knees shorts. I'm sorry, but it's science. ...That includes YOU, 1970's era NBA players. You don't look LESS gay playing with a rainbow-coloured ball, I'll tell ya THAT. I think we CAN conclude that fashion in the long run is useless. We all know what looks good on somebody and we fight against the grain for God only knows what reason. I can't think of a more pointless debate that consumes Western society on such a grand scale.
I have tried to explain this so many times, that I've given up. I cannot find a guy that likes high-waisted dresses, and for the most part, girls seem to be indifferent to this knowledge. I don't get it. But, then I also don't get shiny heels with the reeeeeally long front point, either. Is it supposed to look like you have a 5 inch middle toe hiding in there?
There are a lot of styles that flatter a small number of people, but catch on so a lot of people who it does not flatter wear the style, and low end clothes manufacturers create their own version of it, so it isn't always the best version/cut/example of the style. Besides, sometimes people like the way something looks and aren't dressing to attract the approval of the opposite sex. DIDN'T THINK OF THAT DIDJA