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We're Finding Nemo! Drunk Thread 2/8

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nom Chompsky, Feb 8, 2013.

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  1. Omegaham

    Omegaham
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    Yeah, probably. Douchebaggery is douchebaggery. It's worse because she's female, though. Call it sexism, but there's an inherent "pffffft" that happens when a woman tries to pull a Full Metal Jacket in front of a man who is twice her size.

    I did have a funny conversation with Top about her, though.

    Me: Hey top, we have a crazy wook who's our new Deck NCO.
    Top: What's wrong?
    Me: She's a nazi on room inspections, digs through our drawers, acts like she has power, that sorta thing.
    Top: Well, there's only one thing you can do.
    Me: What?
    Top: You gotta fuck her.
    Me: WHAT?
    Top: Well, you fuck it, you own it. She can't be a bitch on room inspections after yoiu've bent her over your rack and fucked her from behind.
    Me: I cant do that, she's-
    Top: BURDEN OF LEADERSHIP, MARINE.
    Me: Oh come on!
    Top: YOU HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOUR JUNIORS AND YOURE THE ONLY SINGLE NCO. SO FUCK HER.

    Ah, blatant sexism. It's okay because this is the military and we hate women.
     
  2. Parker

    Parker
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    Okay, just checking.

    This week is getting so fucking slow its kicking my ass. Everyone is talking about it going fast, but since I'm looking forward to something this weekend its taking forever. Also looking forward to something tonight, can't wait for a full slab of ribs with this amazing BBQ sauce named Prohibition.
     
  3. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    Why would Zooey Deschanel, of all people, be the person I'd pay royalties to for being a stumbling drunk? I'm not sure if she's ever gotten anything more than tipsy in her whole life. Anyway, my nose isn't broken (I know everyone was worried) but my right shoulder and side of my neck are killing me and I have no idea why. It's making me hunch at my desk and now I really feel like an Old.

    Parker, you're not alone. This week has been crawling. I can't believe it's only Wednesday.
     
  4. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Ain't that the sad goddamn truth.

    This takes me back a little while ago when we sadly lost Mike Wallace (the man WAS 93 years old), who worked in the business for I don't know six or so plus decades, sometimes with a machine gun to his head while on camera. Reports from the various networks were all commenting on how much more competant and brave journalists were "back then".

    Gee whiz. If only they were in the position to act on that fact.
     
  5. D26

    D26
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    The thing is, I don't necessarily blame the "journalists" or the pundits. They're doing what they do to get paid. If I could get paid to spout bullshit like Bill O'Reilly or Al Sharpton, you bet your ass I'd do it.

    I tend to blame the News Networks and the entire system. The system is set up so that news is no longer 'news.' News is entertainment. News networks are fighting for ratings, like any other television network, and therefore it isn't about reporting facts, it is about getting and maintaining viewers. News isn't designed to inform: the news today is designed to scare the ever loving SHIT out their target demographic.

    Fox News is designed to scare the shit out of (primarily) old white guys who are afraid of losing "their" nation ("their" nation being a 1950's 'Leave it to Beaver-esque' United States that never really existed).

    MSNBC is designed to scare the shit out of younger people and minorities who are afraid that gay marriage and marijuana will never be legal, and who think rich people are all like Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons. These people are afraid that rich old white people are pulling the strings to everything to keep minorities/women/anyone but white males from ever succeeding.

    CNN is about scaring... erm... okay, CNN is just fucking awful at everything they do, regardless.

    They do this because it is ALL about the profit and the bottom line. The profit is in scaring people into keeping tuned in. This is one of those cases where "free enterprise" has completely fucked the system up, because reporting actual news and facts won't ever gain the kind of ratings that our current system generates, and hence it won't ever gain the kind of profit and bring the kind of money/power that the current fear-based system generates. The only two ways to "fix" the news system would be:

    1) to pass a law to make news coverage "not for profit," which for obvious reasons would never, ever, ever happen.

    OR

    2) That we the people start tuning out the 24 hour news network bullshit and only tuning into places that report facts and are as impartial as is possible

    I don't see either scenario above happening, so we are basically fucked.
     
  6. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Our government DOES hold sway over the media here, but not in any proganda-lies style. It mostly revolves around "Canadian Content" laws whereas a certain percentage of programming on Canadian televisions has to be homegrown, which means there is a LOT of TV up here that we flip by at the speed of light. We gave you guys Red Green and Trailer Park Boys. There is nothing else to thank our country for in the field of TV shows.

    Our News is a lot more reliable, we don't have our own 24-hour sleazebag retardathon, but I think The National is a trustworthy news show that doesn't lean hard.

    Tell me this is a face you can't trust:
    [​IMG]

    ...yes, it's legal for chief anchormen to have hairlips up here.
     
  7. Parker

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    The worst part about this week is being on a team of women who except for boss boss, is losing their shit over a powerpoint presentation and suck at time management. They've been screaming this entire week about "OMG the week is going so fast!" It is annoying, because it gets slower more and more every single time they bring it up. I want to die.
     
  8. TX.

    TX.
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    The Mad Pooper

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    Wellllllll....it took 2 bottles of Liquid Plumber Full Clog Destroyer, but my bathtub is finally back to normal. I took a shower Sunday night, came back into town Tuesday night and there was still about 4 inches of standing water from Sunday! WTF?! That shit is disgusting, y'all.
     
  9. bewildered

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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    Pro tip that I just learned: You can cover the vent holes in your clogged tub or sink, run water so that there is standing water (even cover the drain and allow water to fill up a bit) and then use a toilet plunger on the drain. Works amazingly well. We had a clogged bathroom sink here and a whole $9 container of gel Draino didn't clear it even a bit, so my lovely landlord came over and did the above. We didn't have a hair clog so much as a gunk clog from toothpaste, beard hair from the electric razor, etc. It took about 10 minutes and dislodged a lot of ucky gunk. Runs smooth as can be now!
     
  10. Binary

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    It's that awkward time where you don't have quite enough time to go drinking at then tiny airport bar and go through security again, but a little too much time to just stare at the gate door. Damn these tiny airports with no bars inside security.

    Fortunately I had the forethought to have a few beers at the microbrewery down the road... But still.
     
  11. Binary

    Binary
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    P.S. I hate the press. If anyone is watching the Dorner coverage, some dumb woman asked some "expert" - who was not there, and had no insight into the standoff whatsoever, if it was "possible that Dorner could have been captured alive."

    Shut up, you dumb bitch. You have no idea what happened. Stop inciting ridiculous speculation based on nothing whatsoever.
     
  12. TX.

    TX.
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    Nice! Never would've figured that out on my own. Thanks!
     
  13. Crown Royal

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    Another great unclogger (especially for dishwashers) is to mix together a 1-2 cup pourable paste of white vinegar and baking soda (about half a small box of soda). Dump it in, let it sit (about 15-30 min give or take) then flush with boiling water. Unlike chemical drain cleaners, you can keep repeating these if needed.
     
  14. T0m88

    T0m88
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    Disturbed

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    I have discovered the cure for a hangover. Well, more of a vaccine than a cure, but bear with me:

    - 6 pieces of nigiri (other sushi may also work)
    - 1 bottle of Lucozade Revive (I don't know if the colonies have this, if not, screw you, it's an essential ingredient)

    From experience matured over the past two weeks, when I have indulged in this mixture prior to passing out drunk from some truly cataclysmically heavy nights out, I can tell you that it is 100% foolproof. I always wake up feeling fresh as a rose, as I will tomorrow morning.

    SUCK ON THAT, JAGERBOMBS!

    [​IMG]
     
  15. zyron

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    This picture made me grow a vagina.

     

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  16. Popped Cherries

    Popped Cherries
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    Congratulations, you now have poop in your sink!

    In addition to the one you already have.


    Make sure you tip your waitress, I'll be here all week.
     
  17. silway

    silway
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    Up late studying for my life exam after the previous one got rescheduled due to the storm. Wildly lame, but at least Die Hard is on in the background.

    On the plus side, I have my first appointment booked. And thus a career is launched! Hopefully.
     
  18. abneretta

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    Shenanigator

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    Now I'm obligated to share a picture of my baby and my pug:

    They love each other.
     

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  19. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Dogs have incredible instincts towards babies. Even my friend's nuclear-charged Australian shepherd in incredibly docile with teeny-tinys.

    However, once they get a little older it can get different. For instance, my wife's grandmother's dog. We go up to Ottawa a couple times a year to visit and her beagle, Maggie, seems to recieve some sort of telepathic message from The Great Dog Architect that informs Maggie that my daughter, four years old, is The Being Of Inconcievable Horror and the greatest threat to the universe. Despite my daughter's love of animals Maggie absolutely hates her with a simmering rage. So, whenever we are there this usually adorable and friendly dog stalks my daughter around letting out a low, menacing growl. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her "NO!!!!" dogs don't take instinct orders from you. They take it from Dog-God (God-Dog?).
     
  20. FreeCorps

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    #1 Internet Boo

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    This kid is a baller.

    I'd like to think I'd act the same way if I ever made it onto Jeopardy, minus the fro.
     
    #480 FreeCorps, Feb 13, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
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