I'm considering submitting my cat's name to the College of Cardinals for consideration as the next Pope. His name? Seymour 'The Hammer' Martel, Holy Roman Emperor, The Rock, The Hard Place and the Enforcer of the Word of Our Lord God. What do you think his chances are? Note: Yes, part of his name is derived from the introduction Paul Bettany did for Heath Ledger in 'A Knight's Tale.'
I'm pretty sure the way pop culture staples are invented in the country is simply by doing whatever. There is simply no wall. They invent sexual fetishes off the top of their head that could not possibly exist within the human race. Even David Cronenberg would say they're completely fucked up. Street gangs walk around with pompadours like the Leningrad Cowboys. There's no such thing as "cool" or "uncool" because everyone seems to be a clown unto themselves. A fucking ridiculous, acid-trip of a society.
In fairness, if there was ever a place where we reveal our collective heart of darkness and it is likely that the devil walks amongst us, it is probably the internet. Presumably in the Comments section on Youtube. Unrelatedly, ladies, if you're ever feeling bad about yourselves, never forget that this woman is apparently "sexy" and "raunchy". Spoiler I presume this is some secret Illuminati code where "sexy" means "shaped like a parallelogram" and "raunchy" means "looks like she has diseases in her closeups". Fucking seriously, how is this bitch successful? Her music is fucking awful, and she doesn't even have the excuse Britney or Christina Aguilera used to have (man, my teenage heartthrobs have aged badly) where you could say "well, their music sounds like the flying head from Zardoz over a background beat of rabid cats slowly raping each other to death, but at least they're nice to look at". Also, speaking of musical atrocities, if my gym plays this motherfucking piece of musical fucking shit spewed from the Devil's cornhole one more fucking goddamn cunting time I am going to use the edge of a 22lb plate to violently beat whoever's in charge of music until I separate the top part of his head from his fucking skull: This is, no joke, the worst song I have ever heard in my life. It puts anything by the current "love-to-hate" crop (JB, 1D, etc) to shame. And I have to listen to it at least once daily. Seriously, FUCK Will Smith and his cunt fucking kids.
Yeah, do a site search of Kesha and you will find Crown, myself and others speaking openly about her virtues, much like an open sewer tank has virtue. Except you'd put your dick in the septic tank. There's a dude named Scootah that loves that Whip My Hair song. You should PM it to him a few dozen times. It's 50F in the day here, so I'm drinking an ice cold milk punch. This shit is delicious. Close as I c an get to egg nog when these bastard stores don't sell egg nog.
Not kidding: I have a similar body shape. And I look perfectly normal in my clothes. Ke$ha isn't actually unattractive...she just seems to wear the most unflattering, ill-fitting clothes on the market right now. For instance, that bathing suit top...her boobs aren't being supported, it's a size too small, and she needs to tighten the neck strap (but I'll bet it doesn't have a tightening mechanism BECAUSE IT'S MEANT FOR SMALL BOOBIES THAT DON'T NEED HOISTING). The net effect is that it makes her boobs look droopy and they have a lower profile on her chest, which shortens her already-short torso. Even if you're skinny, this will make you look stocky as hell. Her bottoms are fine...except for that weird, post-pregnant mesh undies side part. The whole point of high-waisted swim bottoms is to camouflage the squishy bits around your hips and underneath your belly button. Exposing them defeats the purpose and creates an illusion of width because of the exposed sides/covered middle part. Also, if you know you're shaped like a rectangle from the back, your suit bottoms should have a higher cut in the rear to allow more of your butt to show...which, again, creates the illusion of not-rectangle. Also, stand up straight. If you're short-waisted, you need all the torso lengthening you can get. Slouching will literally make you appear 10-15 lbs. heavier. Tl; dr: Swim suit shopping is horrible
Wait...to counter my assertion that Ke$ha isn't unattractive/she merely wears unflattering and ill-fitting clothes, you post a picture of her wearing: 1) A camouflage jacket with grapefruit-sized balls of multicolored confetti on either shoulder (at a terrible length, too...either be three inches longer or two inches shorter) 2) A leotard cut too high on her hips and made of some unforgiving material that seems to be covered in 3) Lace with an upside-down cross on her torso and more bits of multicolored confetti attached to it at random. Yes, you're right. She is obviously hideous, because that outfit is attractive. And very flattering, too.
Oh fuck that. The onus is on you to find a picture of that sack of anuses that IS attractive. We'll be waiting. For a long time. Edit: No myspace angles.
I'm more concerned about how her weird, muscle-less stick-legs contrast with her giant mutant rectangular torso.
Just for you, CJ. She's your typical short-waisted, apple shape. She's always have thin arms and legs and a stocky torso. That's just how it is. Not everyone is blessed with an hourglass or pear-shaped figure. Edit: Or just Google "Ke$ha at the AMA" for more pictures of how she can look when she isn't allowed to dress herself.
She actually looks nice all dolled-up with a cute dress. But, that swimsuit pic? (and about a dozen other ones I've seen over the years) God. Awful. She needs to be banned from dressing herself. She's really not doing herself or her joke of a "career" any favors.
I know. At first, I thought she was doing some Gaga thing--you know, subverting perceptions of attractiveness and beauty by piling on avant-garde couture minus pants, or lobster shoes and a veil and a leather bra. Or a meat dress. That stuff has intention. Not everyone "gets" that, but it is widely acknowledged that Gaga nails her purpose with her clothing choices. But then I realized that Ke$ha isn't doing that. She probably just doesn't understand how to dress herself. It gave me a sad.
It's 3 pm and I'm still in bed watching the adventures of Merlin, I win. Ps I did over 200 squats yesterday and I blow at endurance, I almost cried when I had to get up to pee.