Nah, he showed her his "favourite" porn, she recoiled in horror, and he said, "fine, I'm going to break up with you before you call the police."
I was just thinking this morning of updating this thread and tagging Downndirty, asking him how it turned out.
Ok, Jesus. Two girls. One I broke it off with because of travel, she was lovely and had probably seen her fair share of porn. As an aside, if you're fucking a girl with blue hair and the sides of her head shaved, there will be a moment where you're not sure whose butt it's going in (turns out no one's). The other girl: Very conservative background and sheltered upbringing. Lost her virginity at 26. Sexually assauted at various times in her life, so she was traumatized. Didn't own a vibrator, and had never seen porn, but had a bunch of mirrors in her bedroom because she found it hot watching us have sex. I give her a lot of props for even associating with my degenerate ass, much less agreeing to some of the shit we discussed. She is late 30's and insatiably horny, in part because she repressed this side of herself for so long, and in part because she never felt (her words) "safe" in sexual situations with a partner before me. She always had guilt or fear, and had enough negative experiences to scare her into celibacy. Again, I have a ton of respect for her engaging with me on this stuff in an honest and sincere way. She didn't really engage her imagination, and had never seen porn, or read erotica, or really any of it. She said she'd only masturbate like 4-5 times a year when she was too horny to sleep, and when she did, all she thought about was getting it over with so she could pass out. So, her thoughts while masturbating were essentially "stupid vagina, won't let me rest, fucking here!". Not helpful. Understanding I might be traveling soon, and we'd need to do some long distance couple stuff, I started sharing erotica I'd written. We watched a movie or a show with a sex scene that she was like..."hm. That was interesting." It reminded me of seeing something when I was like 5, and was confused as to why that was sticking in my brain so hard. Anyway, she lost a bet or three and agreed to watch some porn. My initial thought was something from Erika Lust or Sex Art, that wasn't over the top, and could actually resemble real models gently fucking, but as luck would have it, we had "communication issues", and the idea got swept under those and out the door.
Take it to dm's, boo, they be jealous bitches watchin'.... A few years ago, I devised a card game for kink/sex. Stuff like 3 of clubs is dirty talk, 5 of diamonds is nipple clamps, etc. When I was long distance, I wrote a vignette for each card. I sent her a few of those describing stuff we had already done.
Is “devised” a generous term for adapting a game for sexually repressed people in boring marriages, usually played with novelty dice or a twister style wheel, to cards, because novelty sex dice have been a thing for … a while. as games go - I kind of get it if one of you is super up tight, or if you’re both bonkers sheltered. I under stand why teens steal those dice from peak Karen section of the adult shop. And I guess I understand when you’re desperately trying to salvage a relationship with a dead bedroom and you’re out of ideas. But grown ass adults should be able to figure out what they individually like to consequently identify mutual likes and have one of them should be able to float a specific idea or series of ideas, and then fucking do something. It confuses me no end that grown ass adult fuck buddies are in that space.
Easy, man. None of those things are true. I have a ton of toys and stuff in my basement, and it's overwhelming for someone who hasn't had a chance to play for a while or is a new partner. Also, when I'm topping someone, I like incorporating a bit of randomness to it. So, you pick a card, and negotiate that scene, toy or whatever. I wrote vignettes and shared them as a way to give my partner some insight as to what to expect, what I envision, why I enjoy some of this stuff, and to fuel her imagination. It also helped her negotiate some of this stuff, because the vignettes gave her insight as to what I might be worried about in a particular scene. If she wanted to play, and we didn't have a particular scene in mind, we used the cards as a way to start the conversation. It helped me avoid frenzy with a new girl a few months(years?) ago, where she would pick a card, and we'd endlessly discuss just that one scene, and on Saturday/Sunday, we'd make it happen, but just the one. When we have house parties, it's also a fun way to get things started when a bunch of awkward horny nerds are standing around waiting on play to start. The 4 suits of cards are themes: clubs=impact, spades=sensation, hearts=sensuality (oil, wax, massage, maybe sensory deprivation), diamonds=role play, furniture, machines, etc. Royalty are sort of modifiers, like gagged, or restrained somehow, or whatever. When I played with a switch, we'd play poker or Go Fish and the final winning hand were things we'd end up doing. Also, making bets was a riot, because it got us both slightly out of our respective comfort zones, but within consent. One case, she came out to my hotel (God, hotel sex is the best), we had dinner and right before we grabbed the check, she slid a card across the table without a word. It was hot as fuck. It mostly helps me avoid the "I dunno, where do you want to eat?" kinds of conversations. More experienced players don't need it, but every now and again it's fun. WIth my ex, she was too sheltered: I had to make it make sense for her. It was an easy way for her to wrap her brain around some of it, without experiencing it first, having a sort of personal touch to it (the vignettes were about her, or at least with us in mind), and without resorting to erotica or porn that would turn her off. We had a great sex life, and a lot of this was spurred by her curiosity and for the first time in her life, feeling safe and nonjudgemental with a partner. It worked, because she was free to reject the card, or tap out mid-scene, she could discuss and write her own vignettes, and revise the game as she figured out what she did/didn't like. It was random-ish, but not overwhelming.
News flash: guy with a completely bonkers sex life, including polyamory, long involvement with the BDSM community and even (if I remember correctly) performance on stage, finds it easy to communicate about sex. I think your views on the matter might be a tiny bit skewed. But in any event, people have trouble communicating for all kinds of reasons about all kinds of topics, and navigating the struggles and shortcomings of your partners is part of any good relationship, whether it's short- or long-term.
The second time I got head my response to the girl after she finished was, "Did you cum?" Personally, I feel like my communication skills have improved since then.
Jesus Christ I can’t be the only person who just thinks plain sex with a couple of preferred positions is all I’ll ever need right? Girl on top with titties bouncing in my face the top of the awesome mountain for me. Ive never been doing this and thought to myself. I need something more. This pushing the envelope is for addict brains.
If that works for you, and you need nothing else....ok? Imagine my surprise when I found out that some couples only have sex once a week, and that's totally enough to keep everyone happy. That's just not how I'm wired. No one is saying my experience is common or indicative. You combine a high degree of curiosity, high drive, high sensuality (my love language is touch) relative ease and comfort with intimacy & sexual situations, and little interest in other hobbies (hiking? fishing? Or having 31 flavors of sex all day?) and it consumes more of my time & energy than the average dude. The other thing is I've gone without sex for literally years at a stretch, so when I have partners who I can do this stuff with, I dive in. I'm not saying any of this is better or worse than how y'all do it. I've just discovered I'd rather get weird and explore this shit than go to a wine tasting, or baby goat yoga or whatever the fuck people do. FWIW, the vast majority of sex I've had is vanilla, and none of this is "necessary", it's just a blend of hobby, passion, interest, fun and y'know...fucking that I find quite captivating. There's nothing wrong with your mileage varying (or mine).
friend: "hey man, we haven't hung out in ages. Want to go hiking? Fish? Golf?" downndirty: "...I don't really do any of that stuff." friend: "so... what do you do then?" downndirty: "come over on Saturday and I'll show you. Bring lube."
Trust me I go through feast and famine cycles too. I certainly try to get as much in when I can. Frequency isn’t my issue here. It’s the need to deviate so much from the basics. Not trying to single you out but if you take what people talk about online at face value you’d think the majority of people are into electric nipple clamps and wax poured into their ballon knot. Maybe a lot of people are and the internet provides an anonymous place to say it or maybe the seedier stuff just attracts more attention and makes it seem more common than it is. I’ve never bored with the vanilla stuff so I’ve never seen the need to branch out. If the girl wants or needs to I’m happy to oblige but there is no drive in me to have to explore the kinkier stuff myself.
Three minutes, that's a months worth of self sexual indulgence right there. I may have to up my fitness levels. And social skills.