Fail. He's now like our little retarded step-child that's kind of grown on us... we couldn't let you do that to him.
They only touch me in my no-no place four days a week. But Nett Daddy says that's a secret between us, so don't tell anybody.
A guy I used to work with told me he had to wear an adult diaper for a week after a one night stand. Almost strangers with that kind of honesty make me grow a big rubbery one.
HotWheelz has now officially gotten farther with a girl than I have. Good for you, but I still have a folder full of some of the most boner inducing ladiez ever. See Exhibits A, B, and C:
Got invited to a warehouse party last night, no real context, showed up not knowing what to expect. In Quentin Tarantino movies, there's this undefinable 'cool' that permeates through the whole thing. This party was like that. I kept expecting some kind of bizarre gangland violence to break out or something. The crowd, the music, the environment was all this cool eclectic chilled sort of surreal. It was in this place where they store props for theatrical productions - the door bitch was an elderly lesbian in a nun's outfit, the bouncer at the door was just welcoming people in and hoping they had a good night. It was BYO drinks and there was an honour bin to buy soft drinks from an unmanned bar - that people were being honest about. I spent about 5 hours dancing and talking to randoms. Everyone was polite and completely chill to everyone. No fights, no issues, no security assholes trying to make people take drinks off the dance floor, nobody spilled anything. It was like some kind of weird opiate/vodka fantasy. Just upset I didn't have more idea of what it was in advance so I could have invited more of my friends.
I have such a freaking terrible hangover from Brewfest. Oooph. I can barely remember even getting home, but judging from evidence on my computer, I webcammed with some crippled kid last night.
It looks like PSN is finally back up, I predict a plummet in Jergen's stock now that all the virgins have their distraction back.
Weirdest night ever. Ended up at a black lesbian bar 40 miles from home. We were the only white people in there, let alone straight male. Naturally during the drag show the MC, a tranny with the hugest jugs ever, starts screaming "HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THE WHITE BOYS, did you get lost sweet hearts? Mama take you home!" Bartender hooked us up hardcore though. Funny part is I felt more comfortable in there than any club I've been in for years. Some absolutely gorgeous lesbians in there grinding and making out. One gal had her girlfriend's dress hiked up and they were just freakin' on the floor. Nobody gave a fuck in there; was beautiful. I usually download this shit. Also saw the absolute best stripper in the history of the world. A 5 foot black guy in a green velvet thong. Looked like Carlton from Fresh Prince. I can't lie, he was awesome. Dude WORKED that pole. He shimmied up it by his thighs, did crunches 8 feet in the air, did a hand stand ON the pole. I mean he held himself up with his arms out stretched. Mad props.
The most exciting part of last night was eating a Flaming Hot bag of cheetos. And it was the "fun size" kind.
It's a sad lonely Sunday morning when you have to clean dried cum off your computer monitor. On the bright side I might have a future in the porn industry, I mean shit my dick doesn't reach over the edge of the desk, so my sperm must shoot out with enough force to arc up over and hit a monitor 18 inches from edge.
I don't think anyone would take the chance of you damaging their "goods." Surely collateral damage to the throat is a legit worry for the girls. In following the theme of enjoying our Sunday mornings though, I've successfully filled mine with eggs, bacon, mimosas and vagina. Win-Win-Win-Lose-Win.
Just got back from the Brewfest volunteer after party. All in all, 4 hours of pouring beers got me four hours of all I could drink, plus 2 six packs of assorted bottles, a few more drinks today, and a pretty decent pint glass. Fuck the gold standard. We should switch to a brew based economy.