Who? Oh my girlfriend? Naw didn't feel like bringing her...

When she started withholding sex because I managed to piss her off in some miniscule way. I just started fucking other girls.

 

My first husband was a controlling jackass, and I was a young stupid child who allowed much of his behavior.
We went to the movies in Savannah, and when we were looking for a place to park, that Kid Rock song "Picture" came on.
I have no idea what it was about the song, but I realized that night...I don't want him. I don't want to be with him. It's over. I can't wait to move home so I can be rid of him.

I really was done. I don't know and can't really explain what happened to me emotionally in that moment, but it was the most freeing and uplifting thing I'd experienced to that point. I just knew I was finally done with him, and what he stood for, and that he truly meant nothing to me. Within three months I moved home.


My second husband. Ha. We were on our way to a video game convention in Southlake...and he was bitching. About EVERYTHING. Traffic. Laundry. The pool. The dogs. His job. Just...pissing and moaning...and every one else was at fault, all of them...people were stupid for being in his way and he was busy and how DARE they get in his path, and it was just this ongoing verbal assault...
And then George Strait's song "Give it Away" came on...
"Just give it away.
"There ain't nothin' in this house worth fightin' over.
"Oh, an' we're both tired of fightin' anyway,
"So just give it away."

And I was like..."Huh. I feel the same way...and here we go again."
I realized I just...didn't...like him.
I tried to talk to him about it, we were married, after all. I tried to tell him that his bitterness and his negativity was bringing us down, but...he didn't want to hear it.

A year later he told me he wasn't physically, intellectually, or emotionally attracted to me on any level.
A year after that he tried to shoot me in the kitchen.


Good riddance. Shoulda jumped out of the truck when I heard the goddamn song.

 

Steering clear of the sad reasons, my light-hearted reasons almost always have to do with going out to eat together. It's like that whole "you can tell everything about how a guy is in bed by how he is on the dance floor" thing (which is not true).

I took one guy to my favorite dim sum place and he was just having a miserable time, pushing his food around the plate and barely eating it. And I wasn't ordering duck tongues and tripe. I was mostly ordering the simple dumplings. So, he either didn't like Chinese food at all and didn't tell me just to appease my date idea, which wasn't attractive to me. Or since we weren't eating lo mein and pork fried rice, he considered a shrimp dumpling so far out of his comfort zone that he wouldn't even try it, so it confirmed what I already had an idea of - that he was going to be that boring in every other part of life too.

Or, when a guy ordered a soy chai latte. No explanation needed.

EDIT: OH! OH! Or when he used this emoticon in a text: ^__ ^

 

True enough, but one of my long term (well only a little over 4 years) relationships ended that way.

My ex was very negative, complaining, and generally lousy to be around, and I didn’t realize how far I'd gone down that path as well while with her. Then one night, while out at happy hour with co-workers, I met an absolutely terrific woman. She was cute, fun, positive, laughed at my stupid jokes, and made me feel GOOD. For the first time in a while I remembered what feeling good felt like. Good about life, good about myself, etc. She made it very clear she wanted me to come home with her or come back to my place, and I truly wanted that as well. To the point that I was trying to figure out in my head how to get away with cheating. I mean really trying. Planning, scheming, coming up with plausible lies, wondering if one or more of my buddies would cover for me, the whole works. Anything that could get me home with this woman and in her (what I still assume to this day to be) perfect vagina.

I looked over at one of my buddies and he shot a quizzical look back that I assumed meant "hey, what's going on over there?" and that's when my smart head caught up with my lower, less smart head. What the fuck WAS I doing? Holy shit, am I a grown ass, 30 something responsible man, in a dedicated relationship, and seriously thinking about cheating? I was completely ashamed of myself, and that's when I told the woman I was in a relationship. She said she didn't care…but I did. That's when I knew my feelings for the ex were gone. I tried, like a pussy, to go home and maybe rekindle something with her, but seeing the behavior of that other woman was simply too much. Over the next week every time I tried something fun, only to get shot down, I realized it was a lost cause and moved out a couple weeks after that.

I never saw that other woman again. But if I could, I'd tell her thanks.

 

The first time he met my family. I had been dating a guy for about six months while in college. The day before graduation, he met my parents. He made one of those stupid "How do you put up with her" jokes about me and no one really played along. Later that night, we were at my apartment with my sister, and she found him really annoying. After she pointed out how annoying he is, I couldn't get it out of my head and I started getting annoyed with him much more often. I think this may be because I met him through a group of friends who have known him for awhile, and everyone was so used to him we didn't notice when he did something annoying. Also, he acted normal when I first met him.

 

When he gave me a "Cooking for One" recipe book for our anniversary.

 

GF #1(8 1/2 years): When I called home from overseas and her boyfriend answered the phone in the house that we had bought together. Before he handed the phone he had the stones to tell me "he really respected what I was doing over there". Asshole.

the ex-stripper gf. (what a body, holy fuck): when her husband(I didn't know she was married) called me.

I used to have a severely broken train wreck detector.

 

Ouch. Was it at least, like, in the fleshy part of the kitchen?

 

When she cared more about living with her parents and having access to Chinese food and bubble tea than moving with me.

Motherfucking bubble tea.

 

I'd been dating a guy in college for maybe 3 months. He was a sophomore (I was a senior) and awfully sweet. He was recognized on campus for being the guy who rides a unicycle, a fact which I knew although I had never seen it.

It was the last day of the semester, and my school had this tradition in which everyone gathered in the history/English quad to watch everyone race to turn in their papers by 5pm. It became, in fact, kind of a carnival, with student services providing popcorn etc. Suffice it to say, lots of people milling around.

So, there I was, hanging out and enjoying the spectacle with my roommates. All of a sudden, one roommate yells, "Look! It's your BF on his unicycle!"

I don't know what came over me, but my immediate instinct was to turn and RUN. (I do not run, except when chased.) And I didn't stop until I got back to my dorm room.

Clearly, being unable to support your significant other in his/her quirkier activities spells disaster!

 

fine. Grammar Nazi.
He tried to shoot me while I was standing in the kitchen.

Poopyhead.

 

I could always tell a relationship was not going to be long term when the provisionals did not get ditched in the first month or so.

 

I thought of another good one. My most recent ex was cute girl who had very little self awareness and even less self-confidence. And while that sounds like a recipe for a scandalously dressed slut, it went the other way and she was super conservative and trended towards dressing like a mom. Mom jeans, wearing her nursing scrubs if we were just lounging around, and managing to, when i bought her yoga pants for christmas as a way to take her sex appeal into my own hands, wear them halfway up her chest and with baggy sweatshirts. After awhile it just started to annoy the hell out of me. When I realized I couldnt get over her lacking any latent sex appeal, the relationship was going nowhere. And everytime I tried to start a conversation in which I could break up with her, she would avoid it and change the subject, it was like a bad movie.

So I began calling her out on it. It was kind of a dick move, but I had her best interests in mind. A pretty 26 year old has no reason to be dressing and acting frumpy. Eventually she got pissed ("you should like me for me"...blah), started an argument, and poof, relationship over.

 

When I went to dinner with my boyfriend of 3 years and our good friend from highschool, who I always really liked, but was never attracted to. It somehow just hit me, having them side by side: I suddenly felt the same about my boyfriend and my highschool friend: I really enjoyed my boyfriend's company, but wasn't attracted to him. Game over.

 

When she started sleeping with someone else, that was a pretty big sign, but I knew for sure it was over when she and him became facebook official.

 

My ex was a beautiful human being in so many ways, but very jealous and always suspected me of screwing around on her, or considering it, or possibly dreaming about it.

A year and a half in, after one such outburst too many, I sat her down and told her the jealousy issue had gotten so bad I had to seriously consider if I could be in this relationship. She nodded thoughtfully, and I got the impression she finally understood how serious this was.

We didn't talk for a few days, until she sent the following text completely out of the blue: "So if you cheated on me, do you think your friends would tell me?"

When I furiously called her up she tried to play innocent and said "What, it was just a question!"

Game over. I realized then and there she had no control over it. It ended, with lots of tears, but on good terms.

 

When she spit in my face while we were fighting about something trivial.

Have you ever had that feeling when you caught your head on a cabinet corner and you get that hot rush of adrenaline and that quick thought of turning every object around you into rubble just to put things back on an even keel?

In hindsight, at that moment--briefly--I was entirely capable of knocking her the fuck out. I even remember clenching my fist. Instead, I took a deep breath and didn't say a word. I calmly picked her up, carried her out of my house, set her down in the middle of my front yard, walked back inside and closed and locked the front door. She was so scared that she didn't say anything either.

A couple weeks later, after only speaking briefly during her apology, I broke up with her on the morning of our high school graduation.

 

When I was sitting around with her and her brother and his gf. I would be completely detached and had no input to whatever they were talking about. Their conversations just got more and more mind numbing and I would retreat inside my head and not say much of anything. She would ask me if something was wrong, and at those moments I should of told her we need to re think this whole relationship. But no, I kept pressing on when I could of ended it much sooner. When those red flags show up, it's probably a good time to stop and think.

And of course, the one that was talking about marriage after two months..... Jeeeesssuuuss

 

I ended my first marriage because I told my now ex that I could not compete with drugs as a mistress. I could compete against another girl but if he wanted drugs more than me there was nothing I could do.