Wisdom from the Young

This might be an age thing, though. I do the same thing, generally only return calls that bothered to leave a message, but I've definitely noticed that younger friends often assume I'll just see their name and return the call. For whatever reason, I always feel like, "oh, if they didn't leave a message, they were probably just calling to bullshit, and don't actually need to talk to me if I missed the call..."

 

I'll go one further: voicemail is dead; stop using it. If I don't pick up, I'll see that you called and I'll call you back. If you need to relay information to me, send me a text or an email.

 

This. I agree fully. If you actually take the time to show up in class you'd better be paying fucking attention. If you don't you're stealing my fucking time. I don't usually show up; but that's mostly because I don't see the added value of the lectures. However when I do show up you'd better be paying fucking attention. If you don't find it interesting then simply don't go; it's that easy. Not showing up however means I and other people might actually have some interesting interaction with our prof. so we could actually learn something. By showing up and not giving a fuck you're preventing that and that means you're screwing me out of a great learning oppertunity.

I am of the opinion that lectures are there to clarify the material to study for the exams. Great teachers actually show you stuff that you wouldn't be able to find for yourself. That, for me, is the reason to attend lectures. That is the reason why I find whatever that little brat is saying highly anti-social. Not only is he being an idiot by attending a lecture in a time where he clearly has other priorities; he is fucking over his fellow students. I don't care what reason you have to justify, it is and stays a dick move.

 

In regards to texting during a conversation (but not in class), there are definitely circumstances where I think it makes sense, even if it is a bit rude. If I'm at a party talking to someone, and one of my friends texts me saying they're about to leave and they need directions to said party, what's the proper protocol? Waiting until the conversation is over could potentially be rude to your friend as you're making them wait to leave (or worse if they already left and then they get lost). Obviously it's rude to text while your talking to someone, but I think if it's not a particularly interesting conversation (i.e. small talk) then it's acceptable. Now if you're having a meaningful conversation with someone, I'd say the proper action is to say "Can you hold on a second while I text my friend some directions?" but if it's only small talk I don't think it's completely inappropriate to text and listen to them at the same time.

It's all relative.

 

On the other hand, maybe the older generation just hasn't adapted to the fact that socializing has inherently changed. I don't mean that to be belittling or demeaning, just stating a fact: Our generation socializes in an inherently different way than the previous one (see also: Facebook).

Obviously there are some settings where texting isn't appropriate, but the idea of being offended by a friend who texts in the middle of a conversation is a little alien to me. Wait the 10 seconds it takes for them to reply to the text, then return to conversation. (Though: Yes, it's annoying if someone is texting every couple minutes the entire night.) The idea that we deserve someone's undivided attention fails to account for the fact that our attention can be easily divided—I know some people will take issue with that, but you may as well accept that fact.

 

There are times when like three friends and I will all be sitting around drinking or something and all four of us will have our face in our cell phones at one time (while still carrying the conversation). Unlike phone calls, people send and receive texts constantly. If I get a phone call I'll excuse myself to go take it. But text messages are for things that aren't that important and don't warrant a phone call. If I excused myself to send a text message every time I got one not only would I be getting up all the time but my friends would wonder why the fuck I'm standing on the side of the house typing on my phone.

 

This is bullshit. If you're talking to me you better not start texting. It's unbelievably rude and disrespectful. You're basically saying, "This text is more important than you." What a shitty message to send to a friend. Not to mention it's a waste of their time. It turns a 10 minute conversation into a 15 minute one. I used to respond to patients who texted during appointments by either a) walking away from them or b) telling them to get off the phone. They could let me know when they're finished. Why are you wasting my precious time? Why should I have to stand there and wait with baited breath for you to text something? If you must text excuse yourself for a few minutes.

Our generation has become so well connected, but the quality of our relationships is rapidly declining. It's like we're sitting next to each other while we text other people/update our Facebook statuses, become even more self-absorbed and narcissistic and not actively engaging with each other. I am fighting the trend.

 

Like I said, I think it reflects an inherently different way of socializing. It is a cultural gap. And I disagree about the "quality of relationships declining," I would take a bullet for plenty of my friends (and yes, I still text when I hang out with them). Believe it or not, the latest generation is not entirely composed of Bret Easton Ellis characters. There was a time when excusing oneself to go to the bathroom was a social affront—times change.


A semi-related "wisdom from the young": Just because you don't understand or relate to something from a younger generation doesn't mean it is somehow inferior to your way of doing things. Taking offense to something you don't relate to just seems out of touch. And, since there has been a lot of friction in this thread, I should clarify that I don't mean that to be insulting or condescending.

 

I couldn't agree with this more. I used to be the asshole that took any and all calls at meetings, lunches, and dinners. Every call I thought was the most important business/personal call in the world. When texting came around; I too thought I had to answer every single one of those in 5 minutes or less. What a self-important prick I was.

Now, I don't take a personal or business call/text unless the call is followed by a "911" text, or it is my parents calling. I cannot count how many important meetings or meals were interrupted by what I thought was so important at that moment.

Guess what has happened with my new behavior? My companies are producing over 40% more net profits than they were in 2005, at the height of the last business boom. I shudder to think of all the friends and business people that I annoyed with my self-important table manners. At least I always left the room or table to take all these calls.

When someone takes the time to spend their time with you, respect that their time is as valuable as yours. It is all about manners; plain and simple.

 

Sharing time with someone whether dating,shooting the shit, knocking boots etc. should not be shared with a tiny keyboard. Anybody should see that this "paying attention to each other" thing has gone well the last nine thousand years or so. If you break out into a sweat because you can't wait to type some message to Tiffany Mandy Stephanieson about how you want to be up in her guts for 45 minutes while someone who's actually in front of you is trying to have a conversation,

you're an asshole.

 

Sorry, dear. I'm 27. Hardly a boomer or outside your generation. It's not a generation or cultural gap. It's a manners and common courtesy gap.

And, I'd say we're not too far from Bret Easton Ellis characters. As a whole, we are incredibly fucked up and generally pretty shitty to each other.

 

Same here, also 27 and hate the text-addicts. Unless you think you are receiving a text or e-mail on the phone that could prove to be insanely time sensitive, why can't it wait? Seriously, are people going to die because you didn't text your bro about where you were last night?

Set some fucking priorities and be a real person.

 

With my group of friends it's understood and accepted for everyone to text when around so it's not an issue. However, to text some one back occasionally is not rude.

When in a business setting it's inappropriate to text in front of someone. I completely agree.
In a doctor's office it's inappropriate. I completely agree.
When sitting at the dinner table; inappropriate. Agreed.
To be completely engrossed in your phone and ignore everyone around you; inappropriate ; agree.

But to get pissed off when someone answers a couple text messages when just sitting around shooting the shit in a casual setting is ridiculous. You would all get pissed off if you were trying to reach someone for four hours and they ignored you. So don't get pissed when someone answers their phone just because you're in their presence. The text message could range from nothing to a total emergency, but the person won't know until they look at their phone. You're an asshole if you get pissed at someone replying to a simple text. I don't know what gives people this sense of entitlement that because they're standing in front of a person that person owes them their completely undivided attention for an entire night. If I'm sitting across from a person in a booth at a bar or restaurant and some one texts me you can believe I'm answering it. If you get pissed, fuck you.

Now if I keep texting that person for fifteen minutes while ignoring the person/group with me I'm a dick. But if my roommate sends me a text asking for the combo to the garage because he lost is key I'm going to answer him. I won't sit there avoiding reaching for my phone like it's a used condom because I don't want to risk offending the person. But if you're so insecure that you get so angry you can't let your friend answer a simple question or shoot a text back "I'm out/ can't talk now/ call you later" then lose the entitlement complex.

edit: The text is much less disruptive to a conversation than a phone call. If you're in the middle of a loud bar and someone is trying to reach you it's much less disruptive to send them a text answering their question than to excuse yourself, go outside, take the call and come back inside and pick up the conversation where it was. It also takes much longer, obviously.

 

There's a gap, no doubt, but I think it's more of a gap in the ways people are raised to view the art of conversation. I was raised to look a person in the eye while talking to them, or to look in their general direction when speaking to groups. Because of that, and also partially because I don't really partake in much of what the digital age has to offer, I get badly offended when someone busts out the cell phone in a middle of a conversation and interrupts things.

At first, in the years before I grew up a lot (17-20), I lost my shit on any number of occasions and during lunch one day with my girlfriend, walked out on her when she pulled out her cell phone, effectively ending the relationship. Not the best course of action, and something I apologized for years down the road, but it used to physically hurt me when that happened.

Nowadays, I understand that nobody is raised the same, especially in this day and age. I fought the trend for many years, but soon realized that there are more important things to be pissed about, and that this shit is pretty low on the totem pole.

 

Honestly, when I go and see my Mom (who is 60) she is texting fucking non-stop sometimes. She even did it when I took her out to eat for Mother's Day. I wanted to rip that fucking phone from her hands and smash the shit out of it. Especially since she had it set so it said "message received" every god damn time.

Though if I am hanging around with some friends I wouldn't expect them to not answer text.

 

Hey old people. Stop responding to our posts and let us derail threads on our own.

Seriously though, when I'm asking you something, let me finish the question before you start going as far as your dementia-tinged mind will let you. I know you've got twenty seconds of lucidity every five minutes or so, but it's really rude and condescending.

Thank you.

 

We get that you young'uns are great multi-taskers... us not so much. If I'm talking directly to someone one on one, they better excuse themselves to do anything but silence an incoming call. Anything else is rude.

If anyone calls me and I can't take the call, leave a message. Otherwise I'm not calling back. You wanted to speak to me. Don't make me come fishing for what it is about. I don't have the whole planet's phone book in my phone, so I might not know who is calling me. I'd at least like to know who to ask for when I do call back.

On a similar note, if your number is blocked I'm not answering it. I screen every incoming call because I can get bullshit work calls at all hours because some idiot has given out my personal cell number. Leave a message.

 

Just because I like numbers and formulas, let's agree that the percentage of attention you owe someone is a sliding scale based on context. It may look something like this:

Business meeting: 99%+
Date - 95%+
One on one social get together- 90%+
One on one conversation at larger social gathering - 85%+
Group conversation at larger social gathering: 75%+

etc, etc

 

I'm 20. Getting back to the focus:

Always, always try new things. If you stop learning you die. Let me repeat: If you stop learning you are already dead. The world moves fast, and letting it pass you by while you stay bitching, moaning and complaining about how fast it goes is a great way to end up an old cranky asshole, alone and unloved. Yes, I know and am related to many people like this.

Oh, by the way, I don't need a 45 minute lecture if I forget to turn off the light when I leave the room.

Pick your fucking fights. You know a real great way to piss people off? Harp on the same goddamn issues until young people have your shtick memorized so they can mock you behind your back. Maybe now's not the time to bust out the super-deluxe-with-cherries-on-top lecture about how America sucks and everything is terrible.

Let me say it just one more time: stop bitching.



Most of the middle-aged people in my life are cool people with interesting stories, and I feel like I can hang out with them and learn a lot. I like very few of the genuinely old people in my life. Can you tell?