And here I thought we were talking about a three on a tree. Also jumping into the pool with your entire clothes on in the middle of a party is fun. You look like an absolute nut but god damn if it isn't refreshing.
Yeah, the real thing comes along with emotional highs and lows and a mouth to express everyone of them. In detail. Does that strike you as less creepy?
My cocktail party was as dismal as I expected until the female half of the couple we went with started hitting on my wife and telling her she had the best tits at the party (she did) and telling her she wanted to sleep in her bed. I pointed out that it was my bed also. Mrs. Noland was not pleased. This sounds awesome until I realize the girl was so drunk she can hardly stand, her husband was so pissed he looked like he could chew glass, the chick is one of the least attractive females I've ever met, and Mrs. Noland has zero interest in women. So rather than boring it became uncomfortable.
As regards toys: The thing the boobs are attached to is usually too sentient for its own good, anyways.
Zing. Waking up with a charley horse is the worst way to wake up. It feels like there's a baseball in my right calf muscle.
Just don't look into it's eyes. Sometimes that doll she looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a real doll... she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'.
Last night turn out fun; got a call from my roommate. My new basement neighbors, who are these two third year business students (and fucking hot) were having s party. Pop on by, the entire group of twenty-two something kids are drunk out of their mind. Holy shit, I don't remember being that awkward when I was their age. Went out to the bar for a friend birthday that I forgot about, had a great time and went to the ladies place for a round of mind blowing sex. Roommate stayed at the bar and got loaded on the bartenders dime. I'm happy for him, he needs a night out like that.
The guy who did the national anthem for the bears/falcon game absolutely killed it. I vote him for all anthems so dumb bitches like Christina Aguilera can't fuck it up.
I'm making Paul Prudhomme's crawfish etoufee. I expect BD or Noland to show up with a half dead possum and a big ass pot at any minute. Paul Prudhomme is a god among insects. Even if he looks creepy skinny, how can you not worship this man?
Now that's just goddamn triumphant. Quote of the day: "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived." - George S. Patton.
Living in the city has totally fucked my perception on people. I was waiting in line to get into a local fair when a woman in a wheelchair approached me and we had this exchange: Her: I bought a family pack of tickets but two people were no shows, I'll sell them to you for $15 (I would have had to pay $24 for the gf and I) Me: No thanks Her: No? Really? Me: Yeah, I'm good. Guy behind me: Dude, you could have saved $9 and not had to wait in line. Me: But what if they were counterfeit? Him: She's in a wheelchair! Me: That's probably her angle! We then watch a couple buy them from her and walk right into the fairgrounds no problem, I remember we are at a fair in bumbfuck Connecticut, not outside of Fenway park and feel like an idiot.
Beer can chicken is on the grill, beer in the fridge, the buds on my plants are growing like....weeds. Good times.
The quietness of this thread today makes my drinking inside my apartment while watching TV seem sad and pathetic. Come on guys. *Realizes he is asking an Internet messageboard for validation of his actions* *Feels sadder, more pathetic*