Better yet, Nom, come north, I have something for you to nom, and we all know how much you like that. I like it too, let's make it happen.[/quote] "Wait, you're going to Canada? Why?" "...to get something to eat?"
This. It's almost been established (I posted something about this a week or so ago but deleted it before it got the better of me). While my self-esteem is crap right now (probably largely due to the fact that I haven't had a good dicking in 2 years) I'm sure most of you have done worse. Don't remember where I was going with this, so enlighten me if you know...
Our long national nightmare is over. At approximately 9:37 EST, forces under my command cornered a known bee in a light fixture after throwing a tennis ball at it repeatedly from across the room. After an exhausting bombardment, the bee delivered this statement. And then he gave up the ghost. Died, right then and there. Just...quit. His remains were then scooped up in a recipe card and given a water burial in the New York City sewer system, by way of my toilet, in accordance with the bee's religious traditions. This event brings closure to a sad chapter in our history. May it be a source of relief for all those who suffered at the hands of this bee. Good night, and may God bless the United States of America. Fuck bees.
For the record, I didn't actually kill him. He really did just die on his own. It was the grandest 'Fuck you' he could have possibly given me. I will never forgive him for taking this away from me.
Rum. Good. I *heart* New Hampshire liquor stores. Ass-fuck wife. Better. I *heart* ass-fucking wife. Yes. Watching X games. Waiting for death. Seems like good possibility. Off to ass-fuck wife. Peace out.
Not related to anything in this thread, but I'm cooking drunk, so fuck it. 7lbs of delicious bbq chicken.
Finished work about two hours ago. I've had two glasses of wine and one beer along with the greatest salad I've ever eaten (field greens with avocado, steak, sunny-side up egg, green beans, roasted potatoes, grape tomatoes, and who knows what else...my chef loves me). Amazing. I'm a drinker. How the fuck am I drunk already? Fuck it. Time to shower and go back out. Game on.
If you want to get back at him, slather your balls with his fresh honey. I know I suggest that for all manner of ills, from stolen parking spots to ending genocide, but I think this time it might actually work.
NSFW [rnsfw][/rnsfw] I went to Chipotle for the first time today. OK, I'm 6'3", 190. How the fuck can anyone eat one of those burritos in one sitting? They are like 5 fucking pounds each.
Bull riding: because two guys were drunk and one of them said the other was a pussy. There were loads of good looking girls at the county fair. Unfortunately, they were either wifed up, of dubious, legality or both. Doesn't matter, because I couldn't get laid in a whore house with $500 pinned to my collar.
I have no idea if this belongs here, but this is a great article and the comments are so awesome. http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/07/why_we_are_terrible_at_math_an.html#comments Can you get the answer? Do you agree that Americans are awful at reading and math? If anyone can pick out who I am in the comments I will give you $20*. *No I won't.
I have my kids this weekend so there will be no drinking for me until Sunday. Seriously three three year olds is not a relaxing way to spend a weekend! But I have my birthday coming up Wednesday. There will be much drinking! Also next weekend, my buddy MoJo is getting in from Tennessee, after having almost lost his life to liver cancer. There will be much rejoicing! In summation: Boo the terrible threes. Yay weekends! Boo cancer! And always Yay booze to help us deal with the boos.
Are we seriously doing a "Who hasn't had sex the longest" competition? I have no sympathy for you people.
I left camping with my co-workers to come home and drink with my boyfriend. Alcoholic behavior? I don't think so. *chugs Coors Light*