Great weekend so far. Went to a local pub for a few and had a great time last night, played golf and spent time with my Dad this morning, good run with the dog this afternoon and now kicking back with a few captain Morgans watching the footy with some mates shooting the shit.
It's 7am. It's Saturday. I'm at my mechanic getting an oil change because I don't have ramps (yet) to do it myself. I am horribly hungover and not ascending into heaven naked. A happy shenanigans this does not make. I've gotta drive down to New Jersey to see my dad and his wife (and probably her weiner kids, too). It'll be nice to see him, but she's insufferably dumb, so there will be many awkward moments, I'm sure.
The most we've ever spent on a wedding gift is ~$350 for my best friend and my wife's sister. It was for a money comforter and a freaking floating desk (ie. something we know they'll use all the time). Fuck that other bullshit. A joke my co-worker told me yesterday, don't know if you've heard it before: So there's two black roosters sitting on a fence, how many beaks are there? Two. And wings? Four. And how about feet. Four. A white cat comes up a meows, how many teeth does it have? Uh, erm. I don't know. So you're telling me you know more about two black cocks than white pussy.
For a bunch of super liberal hippy douches they can make some catchy tunes. oh yeah, and more redheads please. [rnsfw][/rnsfw]
Sweet fucking baby Jesus. Living at the cottage myself, I've often considered buying a firearm of some sort for just such an emergency. I've seen bear tracks on the lake in the winter, but never actually eyeballed one around here. About a month ago I did have a moose break my phone line. I'd stepped out the back door to grab something from underneath the cottage, and heard some rustling in the wood to my right. I turned to look, figuring it would be a deer, to see what appeared to be a huge fucking black Clydesdale slowly walking throught he woods about 100 feet away. It took my brain a few seconds to process what I was seeing. I ran inside to grab the camera but she'd already skedaddled. A few hours later I got an email from a client saying they'd been trying to call me all morning and to please call them back. I picked up the phone; nothing. Completely dead. Our phone line is only about 6 feel off the ground so I pretty much put 2 and 2 together right there. I went out and walked the line and sure enough, I come across a break in the line, with some moose tracks running perpendicular to it. The moose just walked into it and kept going until the line finally snapped. Speaking of living with woodland critters, I got me one of these this week. To be extra shitty about it, its hanging about eye level with my front deck which puts it about 20 feet off the ground.
Hmm. This is actually the first time I've been drunk, as in, "Oooh look at me I'm all wobbly-feeling". Damn my cheapness and highish tolerance. You know what's awesome? Getting some baijiu that's so top-shelf, that the shelf never was built for the public in the first place. You know what else is awesome? Being in Beijing, and having spent the last coupla hours getting snazzy duds and cheapish alcomohol.
Nah...I don't really get like that. It's more just trippy lights and tv in 3D. I did, however, have an in depth, heart-to-heart discussion with my man's dog last night. She gets me. I guess that's what I get for being in l-something with a hippie. Feeling surprisingly good today considering what I did to my body just a few hours ago. I'm up, showered, got the pup on a leash, and ready to go to my students' softball playoff game. The man is still sleeping (lightweight) but he'll wake up to ice cold gatorade, tylenol, and tums on the nightstand and a breakfast sandwich in the fridge. I figure if the rapture does come in a few hours, at least the last few things I did before judgment were good deeds. Gotta count for something, right?
7 and a half hours till I'm left behind for the apocalypse....who's staying with me? What a damn glorious day weather wise. Fuck ascension, I think I'm heading to the Tribe/Reds game.
Oh man, the weather is awesome today. Sitting by the pool drinking cold beer in the sun, posting from my new 4G phone. I shall be very drink later.
If only one person gets raptured I hope it is my annoying as hell neighbor. He has a ride on mower and starting this morning he mowed his lawn three fucking times, used a weed whacker and then mowed his lawn again. Came out an hour later and weed wracked again. Now he is fucking mowing his lawn again. Shut the fuck up with the noise asshole. (This same guy once power washed his small deck for three days at eight hours a day).