Man does the come down from adderall suck ass. I wanna play with you guys on the hangout, but alas, I have another 10-15 pages to write tonight. ONE. MORE. WEEK.
I feel really old. I haven't been downtown in a long, long time. A good majority of the girls would wear very revealing clothes then. Apparently stripper chic is en vogue right now. So much more revealing than before. Could not count how many young girls had miniskirts that barely covered their ass cheeks. I mean holding the skirt down so their butt didn't fall out; I mean the skirt was hugging their ass like panties. On the one hand this is amazing because I like big butts and I cannot lie, but another part of me just wanted to throw a coat around their ass meat and tell them just because their dad inappropriately touches them, they are not alone. How does one even talk to a girl like that? I'm not built to flirt with somebody that dresses like that (stereotypically speaking). I talk about art and books and liquor and taking my balls out. How the fuck do you talk fluff with a girl dressed like a floozy? And yes, I am presupposing they are brain dead. Sue me.
How is that heavier than average? That's how we like them down here in the Lone Star State. I like them thick.
Tonight I went to the Barstool Blackout Tour at House of Blues in Chicago. Look up videos online to get an idea of the deabuchery that went on. I've never felt older and more annoyed in my life. Remember when in college you couldnt hook up with the slutty hottie cause you didn't know her but if you had even a class with her but had a pervasive cleft palette you were in? That was this whole shitshow. Tons of stupidly hot 18-22 year olds dressed like halter topped streetwalkers but the majority were glued to shithead dudes they knew from Eng 101. Its was infuriating. I went from loving the situation to feeling like a fucking creep as half naked girls only danced with dudes they knew. It felt like the most frustrating frat parties I'd ever been to. At least I didn't waste MDMA rolls like some of my friends. Dixie has been loving the Katja Kassin lately. She reminds me, if you get your belly button pierced, short of being 40 and married with children, might as well leave that shit in. 1) i love that piercing in an oddly obsessive way and 2) until that hole heals up, which in my experience takes a while, it just looks awkward. Might as well rock that hotness. Basically, all of this is summed up by me being bitter that I didn't get ecstasy fueled teen ass and then my roommate's gay brother continued his streak of being the worst wingman ever as he completely neglected to nurture any progress I made with his fruit flies. Just fucked up....
Jingle your keys? Or better: YOU: "I have a hot tub, and a car with shiney rims." HER: Swoooooooooon Not to be the one to complain about scantily-clad females, but this whole thing rocks my soul to the core because if it's like this right now, what the fuck is my daughter going to be wearing in another 16 years??? This is my punishment. She'll probably even end up dating guys like me at some point. Fuck.
I have little doubt that 10 years from now women will be wearing lingerie items and bring their own pole with them to dance in the streets. A small platform on wheels. "OOO DIS MAH SONG, BOO!" Kind of like a flash mob, but whorey, primitive mating dance for dollars, beads, or passing douches in ostentatious cars.
Dude, there are sections of Toronto where this is the norm. My guess is that in 10 years we'll have some existential reversal of mentality and nun habits will totally be the trend. I am doing front yard bush removal today. No, that is not a euphemism.
Serious question: where do you go that you can discuss books and liquor with girls? Secondary point: I am back in the McDonald's that Ms. Monroe mocked me for reading Voltaire in. My roommate is across at another table from me. We are pretending to not notice each other. Not because we hate each other, but clearly because we have both come here for some relative peace, quiet and alone time. On the plus side, this is my last weekend in this place and I won't be back! Until next February. God.
They are attractive, I will agree, but I am willing to bet the farm they would cut up their own mothers like dead Guatemalan hookers to shave off 20 pounds. Plus they will look like shit in 7-10 years when that whole "supple skin to attract a mate" thing wears off.
We call these sections "Toronto". Where else can women flock to a guy wearing gold mirror sunglasses and a midrift-length pleather jacket? And then of course, you have the "norm" of Toronto lifestyle nowadays:
I am deathly hungover. Eritrean weddings are way more exciting than one might think. Those fuckers can drink.
Some tips to help you through the work week: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-tips-drinking-responsibly-while-at-work/ Always good for entertainment: http://www.drunkard.com/issues/10_06/10_06_andre_giant.html My companion for the afternoon:
You know what's weird? Falling asleep while on a Hangout. Especially when you're in that weird in between state where you're mostly aware of what's going on, but every now and then your mind will just make something up that's completely bizarre. Which is even weirder given that when talking to any group of you people that it's very likely you're already talking about something really bizarre anyway.
We have a great thing here in Dallas at the Dallas Museum of Art called the Late Nights party where the museum is open until midnight. They have DJs here in one section, live music in another, and poetry readings interspersed in with the art. There is a ton of gorgeous non-mouthbreathing women here. I'm not sure if you have anything similar in your neck of the woods, but check out meetup.com. This website is a God send when looking for fun events on a random day. Maybe, but then again I'm the type to appreciate a woman with her "flaws". Most of you are going to call bullshit, but I don't have sex with a woman because shes physically perfect. This is not to say I don't appreciate an absolute work of art.
I played pickup with the most annoying fucking guy yesterday. He's nice and all, and doesn't do anything too outlandish, but he has this really stupid habit of being better than me. I mean, a lot of people are better than me. But he has the exact same sort of game as I do, same hair, same body type, only he does literally everything better than I do. Couple inches taller, a bit stronger, better jumper, more consistent shooter, everything. It's like we're the same created player, but he earned a bunch more attribute points and distributed them equally. I feel like a slightly out of date electronic appliance.
Oh! Sweet System-bolaget, what a cruel mistress you be, to be blessed with such wonderful assets, yet still not be open to me. You are stocked with the grandest of treats, from bourbon to vodka and rum, I would drink from those bountiful teats, if only you'd open for me. For this day is not a blessed one, though some go to church and they pray Oh Sunday I do forsake you, "Systemet" is closed today.
I've always thought there should be a poetry section of the Drunk Thread. Woo! Let's get this sestina party started! Just kidding, sestinas suck my nonexistent balls. Drunk Thread Haiku by Pinkcup Bouncy ass .gifs, boobs Dixiebandit-post some pubes Everyone rambles. _____________________________ I know, I know. My talent just cannot be contained.