Milly is like the band Creed. And anyone in particular, Scott Stapp. Gay, terrible and so fuckin easy to make fun of. Took page 9 a little bit higher. back to my Hamgberb helper
Google is Skynet. Rant/Rave: It's the Chinese New Years and I have our apartment too myself for two weeks. Other than trying to get the girl over before she leaves Ill be vegging like a mofo. I plan on catching up on all of the best picture nominees and various other nominated films, and rewatching the entire series of Deadwood.
I, like so many others, have had my wisdom teeth out. I got that happy news on my 18th birthday - "Sorry kid, you're gonna be on anti-inflammatories and antibiotics for a week until we can cut them out". Great birthday, that - two beers and back-planting off a bar stool from fucking pills and beer. So, I go in to have my wisdom teeth removed - thank fuck I selected the general anaesthetic, I went out like a light. The procedure took about an hour. I think I had an adverse reaction to the anaesthesia, because I went home and did almost nothing but sleep and use that awful antiseptic mouthwash for three days, then it was back to college for a standardised test on the Friday - great, since I had been unconscious for a week. Fuckers. I'm pretty sure I failed that one. As a bonus, I have occasional phantom pain from where the wisdom teeth were. That's always a fun 4 days, with no painkillers. Other than that, I have some Mountain Dew in the fridge, so MD + vodka sounds good for later.
A colonoscopy journal (spoilered for length, not medical photos): Spoiler From Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. Colonoscopy Journal: I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Jefferson, Ohio. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere... I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
Stool softeners. My OS said to start taking them with the pain pills. Unfortunately, things are pretty wonky until you're completely off pain pills. Damn hydrocodone.
Slept about three hours last night. Got a call to fill in for a bartender today, so it will be a longish day. Off tomorrow!!!
True story: I get some interesting wrong numbers. I don't know WHO had this number before me. Usually, I get wrong numbers for a Government housing placement service that has a similar name. And, I get a message late at night while I'm gone about once a month from some Korean woman. But, just now a lady called my office . . . Me: Rush-O-Matic and Company. Her: Hey . . . How are you? Me: Uh, fine. May I help you? Her: Is this a pimp service? Me: Uh, could you say that again? Her: Is. this. a. pimp. service? Me: No. It is not. Her: Oh, I'm sorry. I have the wrong number. Well, at least she was a courteous ho.
I'll take a 44/50 instead of less than a 40/50. Passed my Aero exam, now I have to sit around for a few hours and wait until a 130 brief, then it's sexy time, then drinking copiously.
It currently 5 pm in Reykjavik,,,, so its time to start drinking. Even though its only noon in Louisville. Just poured a double whisky and water while starting to cook a delicious white bean chili. Us old fuckers apparently start early. And by "old' I possibly mean full blown alcoholics.
Stuck at work for another five hours. The Girlfriend is planning on buying a new LED TV today, so tonight we're going to hang out and watch some Bluray movies. I will be buying a bottle of scotch for this event, so it should be quite enjoyable. She has never seen Wayne's World and I just bought both of them on Bluray for $12. We will be watching them tonight. Schwing!
Word to the wise, Once you regularly watch an LED TV you won't be able to enjoy watching any other type of TV. I hope you guys are serious because if she dumps you and takes the TV your life is over.
Oh I know. I only have a regular LCD at the moment, but I will be buying a bigger and better LED asap. Of course, since we spent a week at her parents house in Ohio watching movies on her Dad's 55" Samsung LED, nothing will be the same for a long time. Lost has never looked so good. Also, anyone have any suggestions for a good movie to christen a new TV with? I'm sure they will want to watch something visually stunning on the new TV, but The Girlfriend and her brothers don't have very good taste in movies (Her and one of her brothers apparently love the Elektra movie with Jennifer Garner. That was the most painful hour and a half of my life) and I don't feel like sitting through Avatar.
Yeeeeeeeeah! Game got canceled tonight due to a gas-leak! Going to the liquor store and I'm going to buy some Macallan's (12 year) and watch the NHL All-Star Draft. Tonight could be messy. Life is good.
Wine hangovers are bad. But yes. Overall, life is good...outside of the fact that I have to go buy more wine for this weekend. Boo.
Inception, The Matrix, Terminator 2. Loud, colorful, full of action. I really need to get T2 on Blu-ray.
While those aren't bad for the big screen I would pick something more recent than Matrix or T2 for the christening. I'll have to get back to you on Inception since I just got it in the mail today.