FOCUS: since the majority of couples live together before they get married, what's left to register for? We live in a tiny shitty apartment, and will be moving in a few years, so we certainly did not need or want a lot of things. Plus, it was a small wedding, with a bunch of friends equally as deep in educational debt as we are. Our website said "what we want the most is the gift of your presence", and we told the guests if they really want to give us something, we'd prefer a contribution to our local hospital's cancer program. In the end, we did cave in and register at amazon for a few things, like a couple good knives, a breadmaker, and a nice dawn comforter with nice sheets. Most people gave us a bit of cash, and a few donated to cancer research in our name. Some people acted surprised we were using our wedding as a way to fundraise, but if it hasn't been for other people's cancer research donations, I wouldn't have a husband, so that put a quick end to the complaining. (all you haters of getting gifts for couples that you think aren't going to make it - maybe you can give a gift to charity in their name? win-win? Although maybe that won't go over well with brides that expect $1000 vases) And then we all got drunk and it was awesome.
I wish my cousin and her fiance had done the honeymoon-registry thing. She's 32. He's 39. They're both homeowners and have had stable careers for years now. It's not like they're 2 crazy kids having nice things for the first time. I can't help it. I feel a little irritated spending money on a wedding present, a bridal shower present, and a bachelorette present. I want to be involved and give them something other than wine glasses and lingerie. I'm sure they each have plenty of both. Except the lingerie. That's just weird.
Hehe. My brother managed to get a PS3 on his registry with the argument that his wife would watch Blu Rays on it. I always admired that. In terms of my own gift giving, I have sort of fallen into a pattern; the groom gets the gift of drugs for his bucks party, and the couple gets $200 for the wedding if I like them or $100 if I don't. The way I figure it, you have enough family members buying you crockery; go blow some coin on something frivolous in these last days before you find yourself beset on all sides by mortgages and children.
When we got married we looked into a register. The two stores we looked at said that anything on the register that wasn't purchased as a gift, we could buy for a heavily discounted price after the wedding. If we had gone that route we would have put ridiculously expensive shit on there to get it cheaper after...never expecting people to actually buy it. As it was, we just went for a straight "wishing well" with the "your presence is present enough." Lets face it...99.9% of people are going to show up with a gift/money/gift card anyway. A little bit of direction is handy, especially if they have been living together for ages. We got mainly money, but the 5 or so gifts we got were pretty quirky and fun, so I'm glad we didn't do the register!
Like most things associated with weddings today, the traditions are based on things that are no longer applicable and essentially become a consumer bonanza. Registries made sense when both people lived with their parents, got married at 22 and hadn't lived on their own. The registry was a way to get the couple set up for a new home and new life together. Now, it's just another outdated tradition that is exploited for bucks (not by the bride and groom - by stores). My wife and I registered - because my wife wanted to get some things for the kitchen/bathroom. I think we were registered at bed, bath and beyond and some other shit. I don't know, don't remember. When I go to a wedding, I give a check, usually $100-$200 depending. At the very least, you need to cover your plate for you and a date. Good friends I'll get something personal in addition. While I think a lot of the 'wedding' stuff is nonsense, it's not up to me, it's someone else's day and I play good friend for their sake. It's a big day for them, so I do my best to help them enjoy it.
I know that I came off as angry in my last post,,, but my point was: If you don't respect yourself, your bride, or the sham of a relationship that you are in... Why do you expect me to? So in that theme, I'll double down on the angry rich white guy post. I'd like to ask a question: Why am I buying somebody some kitchen knives, or cutlery, or linens....? Buy your own shit motherfucker. This goes for baby showers, or weddings, or birthdays (if you're not a kid),,, but why am I buying you shit because of a day on the calendar, or because you fucked somebody? I've successfully not had children. Where's my fucking present shitlips? I've successfully not gotten married and then divorced. Where's my cutlery? Where is it fucknuts? I'll tell you where, in my kitchen, with the money I toiled from working my ass off not expecting anyone else to give me shit because I didn't hump a hooters waitress into an early wedding who ends up having baby bumps while wearing her "virgin whites". I agree its an outdated tradition, but I've been not giving shit to my buddies on their wedding days for years. The funny thing is, none of them give a shit. But holy hell have gotten shit from some of their wives. "What do you mean you didn't get us a wedding gift,,, you're the best man?" That's right, I didn't get you shit,, now get a job fucko and then see how much you spend on your dream hatori hanzo steak knives. I'll tell you what I will buy you. Your first abortion. Because you shouldn't have children with that attitude. Too far? Yup. I went too far on that one.
While not nearly as angry as ^^ up there, I'll admit that I've always felt a bit squicky about registries and wedding gifts. I've got a jaded impression of weddings - I don't like 'em at all - to me, you celebrate a marriage, not a wedding. I generally give really simple understated presents for a wedding (a modest cheque and a really nice bottle of cognac or scotch or something), but I send a substantial gift on a first anniversary. I suppose that's strange to some, but I've seen enough couples who divorce before their first year is up. Just because they want a big party, I'm not going to bankrupt myself to buy the 4000 thread count woven-by-blind-nuns sheets they want for the dog's bed. The boyfriend and I have talked about getting married - he grew up with the dream of the white church wedding, and that's where his head is at. Me, I'd far rather elope. Or go down to city hall. Maybe not even tell anyone until 6 months after the fact. I think he's starting to see my point of view on it. The whole wedding process makes me uncomfortable, right down to the registry. We live together - we have everything we need and more - and everyone knows that. It just seems... greedy? to me to put a whole bunch of stuff on a list and expect that my friends and family should shell out to give me those things. Again, I'm pretty anti-wedding and hardly in the majority, but that's just how I roll.
Your present comes when you are old: The young people then, who will be guarding your borders, patrolling your streets, performing your surgery, paying your pension, and providing an economy for you to retire on, will be the children you couldn't bother to have, but that other people went to the time, effort and expense of raising. (1) Way to free-ride on the hard work of others, you rugged individualist, you.(2) FOCUS: Marry a Chinese person. Red envelopes FTW. (1) Whether they do this well or poorly is another topic. (2) See the impending demographic collapse of pretty much the entire West and East Asia.
I'm going to a wedding out in California this July. The couple is registered at the standard places.(Williams Sonoma, BBB, and Macy's). But all that shit sucks. So me and my friend are going Dutch on a shotgun for them. They always tell us how much they want one. How they love shooting trap and skeet but they are expensive. And because we know this couple so well, we know they will like this. Normally, I would be reluctant to give a firearm as a wedding gift, but this time I think it's ok. Fuck wedding registries.
Every time something marriage/wedding related comes up on this board there is a massive amount of hyperbole and anger. It always amazes me the amount of judgment that seems to get levied at people who decided to have a nice wedding and provide an easy list to pick from for people who want to buy them presents. I've been to a rather high number of weddings of late and not once have I ever seen an invitation that said that if I didn't buy them a present I was not welcome. it's a celebration, it's fun, and people give gifts. Don't want to? Ok, don't. But in the slang of my forefathers, there's no need to make a federal case out of it. Same thing for people who don't want big weddings. totally ok, but that does not make you better or worse than those that do no matter how many people I have seen on this board over the years claim otherwise. And sure, there are always exceptions and bad apples to everything. No doubt some couples out there will give you shit for not giving them a present and some people have ridiculous weddings that seem to serve no purpose but to make the guests uncomfortable, but most people seem to just want a happy celebration of their love. The infamy!
What the fuck do you expect? This board has a guy that has 8 DUIs, and blames the cops rather than himself. A shit ton of people that know nothing about guns, but think they know how to control them. A member that thinks its a good thing that his mom is the only person he has regular human contact with. And a lot of people that don't have friends in real life. Thus they video chat with other members here in the same boat. These people are the outliers of society, they think they are above the general population...But most just have some sort of narcissistic disorder that keeps them from relating to normal folk.
Hmm. 3 specific members represent the whole board? Also, I've never participated in one of the video chats, but I fail to see why participating in one necessitates being friendless.
I like presents and I like giving them. I usually don't bother with registries because I am usually creative enough to know what my friend would love. When I had baby showers they were seriously appreciated. I had no idea what all I would need, I was scared enough. The lengths my friends went to to make sure I wouldn't worry for anything when home after delivery were amazing. I don't understand the vitriol associated with these occasions unless you attend events thrown by people you don't like. In which case, why are you going? If it is an obligation, throw some cash in an envelope and shut the fuck up. Your life isn't that bad.